Taffy

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OMG Run! The Vikings are coming!

Taffy was a Viking,
Taffy was a thief.

Taffy came to my house
And stole a butt of mead.

Of course that's what it is.
Why, what did you think a 'butt' was?

Taffy was a Viking,
Taffy had a sword.

Taffy had a battering ram,
and broke in my front door.

Hold your breath!

Taffy was a Viking,
Taffy didn't care.

He stole all that was not nailed down,
He tried to steal the air.

Taffy was a Viking
with lengthy yellow braids.

He stole the gold out of my teeth
on last September's raid.

Taffy was a Viking,
strong and proud and true.

Taffy stole my Christmas tree,
and stuffed it up the flue.

Awwwww no...
How the Heck did he even get it out the door?

Taffy was a Viking,
Taffy had a heart.

He stole it from old Doctor Grunt
who lived close by the park.

He also stole a skeleton
and fifty vials of pills,

He liked to have some spare bones
and cures for all his ills.

Taffy was a Viking,
Taffy had a head.

In truth it was a lovely thing,
he kept it in a jar.

He stole it from the headsman
who seemed to have a spare.

Taffy had eyes, too. Lots of them.
Stealing the geese was a mistake.
He brought them back.

Taffy stole my horse and cart,
Taffy stole my geese.

When I had a summer cold,
Taffy stole my sneeze.

Taffy was a Viking,
Taffy was a thief.

'Cause when you are a Viking,
You do just as you please.


Zzzzzzzz

Taffy was a Kewpie doll,
Taffy was a bat.

Taffy came to my house,
and slept in my top hat.

Taffy was an alley cat,
Taffy was a mouse.

This morning Taffy chased himself
all around the house.

Squeow!

Taffy was a pack of cards,
Taffy was a goose.

Taffy could play solitaire
while dreaming of a moose.[1]

Um, actually, this is a real, live worm.

Taffy was a purple worm,
Taffy was a barsk.

Taffy came to my house,
and -- wait, what do you mean, "what's a barsk"? [2]

Taffy was a four-in-hand,
With buttons on the sleeves.[3]

He went to visit Bertie
while being worn by Jeeves.

Taffy was a piece of cheese,
Taffy was a plum.

Taffy marched in a parade,
hidden in a drum.

The drummer got so hot and tired,
he had to take a rest.

Quothe he as he sat and munched,
"That Taffy was the best!" (Yum.)


  1. Well, it rhymes, anyway.
  2. Google 'barsk andre norton'. Then get the book you find, and read it.
  3. Of course they have sleeves. The good ones, anyway.