The mountain goat
Ah, the mountain goat. Wise as a fish with the memory of a wizard and can lap up knowledge in turn after the years it spent in the mountains with clouds obscuring his view. Ah, the mountain goat I would say as I too sat next to it muttering and murmuring about exotic juices from Easter Island. Ask the mountain goat anything and he will give you the laptop of fountain knowledge. All hail the goat in his entirety.
 Ask the mountain goat
www.askthemountaingoat.co.uk gives you the opportunity to ask him anything you ponder about. If you ask him the size of your pants for example he will answer you and keep it anonymous. Never fret. Shrewd businessman he is though: shrewd and cunning - he crushes all opposition into the ground. Bit like Bill Gates.
His great grandfather handed him the position after his mountain got blown up by the Taliban. He accepted and confidently took up power with the cloak and poll in hand. Laughing at all mortals below the hills.
 If you want to learn more
Visit him, he lives in Slough.