User:Butter coffee rocket/Butter coffee

Butter-coffee enigma

Octover 33rd, 201?

Capital City

by Butter-coffee rocket

This coming Thursday is was discovered that a body was seen through the contact lenses of a piggy police officer, being dead before the piggy saw it, deceased when the piggy looked at it and gone-baby-gone days later when Mr. Piggy dreamed about the dead body in his "Cherokee animal guide quest". Two butter packets, the little plastic ones served at fine hotels, the kind with a think plastic-paper lid you peel off and razor sharp edges that can take your fingerprints off, were discovered by the piggy to be lodged in the female's throat. It is suspected that the husband, fond of the traditional British beverage Butter-coffee, tired of his wife having her coffee simple and plain (water, coffee grinds and margarine), gained control of his emotions and obliged the woman to taste butter in its whole entire glory. The husband is considered a run-away as he couldn't be found anywhere on the ground floor of their house and probably not upstairs. Police refused to check the other floors due to their longstanding fear of stairs. The man is wanted for improper butter packet disposal and Mr. Oink would like him to come down to his pigsty to answer a few questions and then have some butter-coffee while they roll around on a hot day in the mud and cover themselves with cool-wet mud and other black substances.

There will be a quick funeral tomorrow in between John's Bingo Hall morning session and Señor Mantequilla's Butter-Coffee brunch. All of those who attend the funeral will get a free 5% discount on all soups traditionally eaten in a spaghetti strainer.

The female had three children who are also missing from the house, suspected to be playing a week long round of Capture the Flag in Pennsylvania City, Michigan, possibly forever. Her dog is still alive and was stolen by Mr. Piggy to be an assistant dog. Mr. Piggy will use the dog to help him get over his traumatic fear of staircases.

A $500 reward has been issued for the safe return of the woman's gold plated cellphone cover, which went missing sometime between when the flock of pigs arrived at the scene of the crime and when Mr. Piggy left sealing the door.

In other news, there is a 54.5% likelihood of gloomy weather last Tuesday, the leader of our Nation-State has taken the day off to play ultimate-golf, The Capital City Sports Guys beat the Second Biggest City Warriors (a shocking score of 14 to Xerox), TV star Facebook McGoogle has been accused by several women of making unsolicited handshakes, and The World Animal Suckers Society have officially announced that the Madagascarian Polar Bear is officially extinct. The last one died while yesterday through blood hemorages while trying to give birth to a Tazmanian giraffe. The Next News Cast will be at 25:99 PM. Stay Tuned for gripping live radio coverage of Womens Ultimate Golf documentary.