A Christmas Coral
A pointless tale by none other than
Chapter one:A cold winter (damn currents)
"Brrr, I'm blubbin' a bullberly bubble!" blubbed Cap'n Clam, a parrotfish.
"Well shoht up and go into yer goddumn coral 'ome, where it's nice n' warm. I mean, it's winter, for Pete's sake." said Mr. Snooge, the town grump.
It was winter time in the coral reef, and with winter came not only cold waters, but the joy, panic, and death associated with Christmas celebrated by fish. Fish homes were getting decorated with coral wreaths, ornaments of Sanda, etc. It was regarded by many fish to be the greatest time of the year, but ol' Snooge thought differently: annoying, slobbering children fish would be all happy and loud, as usual. Not only that, but he would have to spend money on Christmas crap, stuff he didn't want to waste his precious money on.
"Damn kids, I shud kill all o' tem!" he remarked in the coral streets.
He swam to his coral office where his stacks of cash were located. He counted it lazily.
And then, BOOM, the ghost of his long dead bud
Bob Jacob Marlin popped up with a bubble.
"Eh, you greedy barsteward! You better fix your ways or you're going to get haunted by ghosts, or something!" said the ghost.
"Oh shoht up Marlin, if you couldn't manage to stay aloive in this reef ya might as well be dead and stay dead, so bugger off, ya twit!"
And, with that, the ghost left, never to be heard of again.
Chapter Two: Ghosts N Stuff (deadmau5 remix)
'Twas the eve of mass christ and all the kiddie fish had run off to there beds in hope that ol' Sanda Claus would come give them crap, but he didn't, it was really just their parents.
Either way, Snooge was about to hit the hay, but then another ghost popped up.
"Dammit, I thot I told you to git out o' 'ere!" said Snooge, holding up a gun.
"But Snooge, it is I, Carp, Ghost of your Fishmas past!" said the ghost.
"Oh are ya? Than I'd assoom ya'd be bullet proof, eh?"
He unloaded the clip of his harpoon gun on the ghost, which promptly died for the second time in it's existence, and went away.
"Goddamn, I jus' want some sleep!"
And then, another ghost showed up.
"Oh, another? I bet you're just as bullet proof as the first!" He pulled out a harpoon shotgun.
"Oh Snooge, it's me, ghost of the fishmas pres—"
Before he could finish he was ripped into several pieces from the harpoon blast. And, before Snooge could do anything, another popped up.
"Augh! exclaimed Snooge.
He blasted this one away, too.
"Ah, that better be the last of ya!"
Snooge fell asleep.
Chapter 3: Untimely conclusion, hooray for plot twists
When Snooge woke up it was particularly fishy. He remebered it was Christmas.
"Augh, the damn kids'll be runin' 'round with their new crap, screamin' n things!"
He went outside with his reloaded harpoon shotgun.
But then, a
obvious noticeable well disguised fish hook covered by a worm was right in front of Snooge's face.
"Mmm, if there's one thing I almost like as much as money, it's a fresh worm!"
He bit the hook, and was reeled up to a happy dude in a boat. He died in the boat in a bucket, and then was later cooked up and served in a Christmas dinner, where he was enjoyed by everyone.
The moral of the story? Don't shoot ghosts, or you'll become one, arse.