Aldi

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Aldi is the alias of a synthetic Nutella dealer who is wanted by 30 governments and is the target of several international anti-crime coalitions led by artificially intelligent chimpanzees.

The closest anyone has ever come to apprehending Aldi was catching a sleeping MERRIL BAINBRIDGE with a P1200 Ultra Ball. It was returning from Philmont.

Table 1. Statistics.

2013 2014 2015
Government expenditures 3686325 8942380 4242838
Private funding 522282 252228 269580
Hours spent scouring Google Street View 536 746 936
Payoffs 0 0 0

An Very Angry Anti-Government Rant[edit]

Government efforts against Aldi are misdirected. Over the course of recorded human events, Nutella has been responsible for exactly 0 deaths. Di-hydrogen-monoxide on the other hand, has been responsible for 100,000 deaths in the past four years alone. As yet, no government efforts have been directed to taking down Fred Meyers, leader of the world's largest di-hydrogen-monoxide ring.

All of this is just my way of saying that the government must focus its efforts on building transcendent communities.

There are, in fact, two rings of governmental action in Aldi. One North, the other, South.