Amateur Cosmetic Surgery Made Easy!

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Have you been desperately wishing for a plastic surgery you can't afford? Well now, you CAN afford it! For only $49.99 you can now purchase an Amateur Cosmetic Surgery Kit! That's right, it's all the fun of cosmetic surgery but in the comfort of your own home! We'll send you a box of high quality surgical tools, along with water bags to use for implants and skin dye in any color from pale-white to flourescent orange.

Want a face lift? Now, with our simple kit, you can look at yourself in the bathroom mirror and with a snip here and a tug there, you've got yourself a wrinkle-free face! And some uncontrollable bleeding! Before, you had to travel all the way to Beverly Hills to get a facelift. Now you can do it while watching TV!!!

An Amateur Cosmetic Surgery kit provides hours of family entertainment. You can do all sorts of body modifications based on your latest whims. You can inflate your nose to the size of a melon (great for parties!), you can sew your own mouth shut (a splendid technique for rapid weight-loss!) or you can remove your penis and attach it to your forehead (because honestly, who hasn't dreamed of doing this?).

And even kids can get in on the fun! Kids, has your mom ever made you go to bed at a reasonable hour? If she has,you can get revenge! With the power of a COSMETIC SURGERY KIT, you can alter her body during the night! Just imagine the look on your mom's face when she wakes up to find that you made her breasts CUBE shaped!

Yes indeed, the Cosmetic Surgery Kit is a revolution in home surgery. Now, you can make your baby son have TERMINATOR muscles! He'll be the envy of all the other infants!

So call us toll-free at 1-800-294995959929295500 and, in no time at all, you'll be performing plastic surgeries just like professionals. Except professionals don't perform plastic surgeries on themselves while screaming in pain and standing over the kitchen sink.