Axe Murderers Anonymous

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Axe Murderers Anonymous (AMA) is a private organisation aimed at providing help and support for individuals with severe axe murdering problems. The program uses a three pronged approach to ensure that its members find ways to manage their axe murdering habits, move on to less damaging forms of killing others with sharp objects, and, in time, stop murdering people altogether.

Information[edit | edit source]

Axe Murdering is a common social disorder, often in puberty, and is generally thought to have links to genetic factors. Statistics have shown the problem affects roughly 7 in 15 people at any given moment in time, and the psychotic rampages it produces can control an individual for months on end.

As so hospitals generally have a special AM emergency division, far far away from the rest of the hospital, and with gladiator-style waiting rooms. Here severe sufferers can undergo life-saving surgery upon entry, up to and including axe amputation; though slight axe-blunting or the distraction of candy are enough to solve most problems.

I only went out to fork a couple of strangers. But one condiment led to another and before I knew it I was deflecting SWAT gunfire with my axe blunt.

—Anonymous AMA Member, (voiced here by an actor)

My name is Anonymous AMA Member, and I enjoy being portrayed by trained professionals.

—Anonymous AMA Member, (voiced here by an actor)

The organisation works with a group focus, members are invited to share information with each other in confidence, while offering each other criticism and support for their actions that week. The rehabilitation rate is generally good, only 1 in 3 attendees reoffend. Members are encouraged to replace the time they spend hacking up people with other habits, heroine and Friends boxsets being the most popular.

Fun Axe Fact of the Day[edit | edit source]

The AMA is behind the recent repeals of the "Don't Axe Don't Tell" policy in the U.S. Army.

The more you know!