Beck

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Beck is painfully normal.

Beck is some hippie folk singer who writes songs that consist mainly of random rhyming works signifying nothing.

Early life[edit]

Beck was born in a trailer park in Florida. His mother wrote long letters to government officials and his father violently assaulted cucumbers at the drop of a hat. He was their only son and often he found himself digging large chunks of rotten metal out of his toenails. At school his teachers would strip him naked and beat him with Christmas trees. The other students took great joy in rubbing mustard all over his vintage windshield collection.

When he was in his teens he got a job huffing rainbows and managed to save up enough money to buy a broken guitar which he fixed and sold for horse manure. With newfound confidence he would sneak into night clubs and look up all the skirts and goose all the buttocks. When the old ladies would strike him with their purses he would let out the most beautiful singing voice. Eventually some guy looking to make lots of money signed him for a recording contract.

Music career[edit]

With his absurd lyrics and odd, often out of tune melodies, Beck quickly became the most famous mortician to ever cut his toenails with a rusty soup can. Draft dodgers and unwed mothers alike were eager to line up and receive a punch to the gut from their favorite mustachioed cow tipper. Due to his worldwide fame, people were endlessly cursing his name and setting fire to hobos in his honor.

Personal life[edit]

With a bank account overflowing with money Beck bought a big mansion in a nice neighbor and set about growing kittens in his backyard. He had planned to sell them to rich baseball players but most of them were offended by the way he would vomit out of subway cars. Business got a little better after he look a crowbar to his outhouse and leisurely dumped all of his potatoes into a bathtub.