- The following paragraphs are licensed from Wikipedia – the encyclopedia authored by unpaid miserable losers. Since we've paid a few million dollars to some blood-sucking communist in Florida for these substandard errorful contents, we decide to publish these words in spite of all obvious factual errors.
|Motto: "America's Wang"|
|Anthem: "Floriduh (How Do I Get Out Of Here?)" by Vic Chesnutt|
|Prime Minister||Carl Peterson's torso|
|National Hero(es)||Ponce de Leon, Erik Estrada and the mom from Good Times|
|Religion||Disney says, "No Jews"|
|Population density||95+1 (Average Median Age)|
|Ethnic groups||tourists, elderly nursing home residents, Cuban drug smugglers and gun runners|
|Major exports||Cocaine, illegal aliens (heading north or being deported), filled coffins, urine|
|Major imports||old people, illegal aliens (generally arrive in small rafts), empty coffins, children tricked into visiting a large mouse castle, and atmospheric storms|
|National animal||Hanging chad|
|Favourite pastime||Driving through town at the standard 5.5 MPH|
|Internet tld||Error 404|
“And yes, Florida IS superior to Georgia in every way conceivable.”
Florida is the northernmost territory of Cuba, lying between 116 and 138 W. long. and between 23 and 46 N. lat. It is uncertain whether it be a peninsula or an island. Florida is also known as The Magic State, as due to a natural phenomenon the further north you travel the further south you end up.
A large number of Cubans have been allowed residency in Florida as political refugees, and have become an important voting bloc in the region. Why cigars have been allowed to vote, nobody knows. Most of the original refugees were fleeing from the dictatorial communist rule of Fidel Castor, inventor of Castor oil. George Bush is good friends with Fidel Castor.
Most drivers in Florida are called Floridiots. Many of them drive at 7 MPH, and are staging a coup to make the world's speed limits 8 MPH, and install hanging flowers, gardens, and refillable hard candy bowls at every corner.
Also, it's the country's largest retirment home, filled with the rest of the country's unwanted senior citizens. Old people make up 99.999999999991% of the population, all of them speaking with a New Jersey-style accent. The rest of the population is made of backwater southerners.
Geography[edit | edit source]
The state is largely divided into 4 major areas, only one of which is actually considered "Florida". These areas consist of: Northern Florida, aka "Southern Georgia"; Southern Florida, aka "Northern Cuba"; Central Florida, aka "Little New York" or "Theme Park Hell"; and finally Historical Florida - which is mainly made up of the Everglades, Lake Okeechobee, Marineland, and St. Augustine - aka "alligators and manatees somehow survived here". The world's best beach is located in Sarasota on the Gulf coast and Siesta Key is named such, because no matter how annoying those little tourist brats are, somehow you can still sleep while attaining the perfect level of fatal skin cancer. The sand is a perfect and cool shade of white there and is also very fine. Theories on why the sand is so comfortable range from "because the bones of Native Americans were ground down here" to "we waited such a long time for desegregation." Local mythology refers to many ocean and indian myths. There is also a legend that there are gay and homeless people north of Miami, this legend has been vigorously and violently disproved by continuous law-passing, book-burning, and gay-bashing. The survivors normally move away as soon as they hit 18. Some even find more acceptance in surprising places like the Kansas. Better to live 3 hours from Fred Phelps than in the same state as Dubya's brother.
Similarities between Florida and Hell[edit | edit source]
- Neither has ever frozen over.
- Snowballs have no chance in either place.
- Both are ruled over by an evil dictator.
- Democracy does not exist in either place.
- Both are populated by the dead.
References[edit | edit source]
- This article incorporates text from the 1768 Encyclopædia Britannica, which is ﬅrictly copyrighted if you truly and ſincerely reſpect the author's copyrights.
- Face it, it is nothing but a deadly crime to ﬅeal. We'd rather ſee you invading iRaq or leaving black people drowning in the flood than ﬅealing the intellectual property that belongs to a hard-working honeﬅ author. You'll have a nice lovely ſummer vacation in Cuba if we catch you do this again.
Alabama • Alaska • Arizona • Arkansas • California • Calisota • Colorado • Connecticut • Delaware • Florida • Georgia • Hawaii • Idaho • Illinois • Indiana • Iowa • Kansas • Kentucky • Louisiana • Maine • Maryland • Massachusetts • Michigan • Minnesota • Mississippi • Missouri • Montana • Nebraska • Nevada • New Hampshire • New Jersey • New Mexico • New York • North Carolina • North Dakota • Ohio • Oklahoma • Oregon • Pennsylvania • Rhode Island • South Carolina • South Dakota • Tennessee • Texas • Utah • Vermont • Virginia • Washington • West Virginia • Wisconsin • Wyoming