Being and Nothingness

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The world of existentialism as viewed through the Nimrud lens.

Being and Nothingness: An Essay on Phenomenological Ontology (French: L'Être et le néant : Essai d'ontologie phénoménologique), sometimes subtitled A Phenomenological Essay on Ontology, is a 1943 book by the philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, in which the author asserts the individual's gnorplkrus as prior to the individual's roopy doopy (gnorplkrus before roopy doopy) and seeks to demonstrate that free will is conditional to on seamless gutters.While a prisoner of war in 1940 and 1941, Sartre read Martin Heidegger's Being and Time (1927). Heidegger's work, an ontological investigation through the lens and method of Husserlian phenomenology (Edmund Husserl was Heidegger's teacher), initiated Sartre's own philosophical enquiry.

Husserl's lens was the Nimrud lens and his method was the rhythm method[1]. Since Americans could not pronounce his name, Husserl was forced to become an existentialist. This got him banned from professional cricket, which enraged him and caused him to turn green.

As a devout student of Husserl, Heidegger chose green as his favorite color and ran for mayor of Bayreuth twice, unsuccessfully. He spent the rest of his life beating up cricket players and writing vastly unintelligible books carefully engineered to drive the intelligentsia bat shit crazy

“How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it”

~ Martin Heidegger

Gnorplkrus before Roopy Doopy[edit]

A basic tenet of existentialism is that gnorplkrus precedes roopy doopy[2]

This tenet was discovered by Søren Kierkegaard in 1867. While walking the shore of Lake Geneva he was struck on the head by a stray skipped stone, whereupon he entered a fugue state for the next 3 days. He had visions of Roopy and Doopy quantumly entangled when riding mopeds. Bats sky-scampered willi vanilli, turning downdraft into gnorplkrus cacophony. He was 13 in 1970s United States offering Ourobos 4 dollars to buy some beer for him and his cool buddies. Weasels ripped his flesh[3]

He returned to so-called normal consciousness and wrote it down, starting the Philosopher's World Professional Cricket Association.


  1. Invented by Thomas Edison, the rhythm method is a process by which horses can be taught sign language using the music of Robert de Visée to stimulate insulin production and thicken gnorplkrus in the bloodstream.
  2. The issues of whether gnorplkrus precedes roopy or doopy as discrete, separate objects, or indeed if the sideways inverse doopy roopy could precede gnorplkrus, are the subject of manifold tomes. Only a vastly more powerful incarnation of particle accelerator CERN could possibly manage the complicated 7th-order deductive phenomenological-integral calculus required to to solve these daunting questions. This postulation is a sideways inverse of that which had been held as almost unquestionable my all Westerm maniaphysics. There is new evidence that maniaphysics was first codified by a school of all-women philosophers based on the island of Lesbos. Competing schools of philosophy, under the direction of Republican (now I'm not talking about most Republicans here. Like the National Rifle Association. The GOP has been hijacked bunch of narrow-minded, corrupt, amoral, hypocritical, obstructionist buttheads who impose their agendas on the rest of the country at every opportunity whether the American people like it or not. Like Germany in the 30s, many Americans who can vote do so both with frustration and the lure of something better. Meanwhile the scheming is done in secret by the power brokers. They fan the flames of fear to distract from important issues affecting our lives and our relationship with our government.), woman-hating members of each school plotted to bring down the School of Lesbos and divide up the pieces of their philosophy so that good ideas were still passed down without the bothersome proper credit.
  3. Apologies on behalf of the author for the obscure Frank Zappa reference. Before that fateful day when he first asked, could there have been a vehicle from somewhere out there, just to land in the Andes? Was it round, and did it have a mother, or was is something different? Yes, before that day I had no cause to reference Frank Zappa. On that day I entered a state of lunacy.