Car Rental Scenario

This is what happens at any place where you do not even have a car, and since you have the ability to rent one, you might as well exercise your abilities. You decide to rent a car, outside a slightly shady looking street. You know that a 67-year-old man might suddenly pop up behind you and offer you drugs such as the mysterious vanilla slice with suspicious claw markings atop it.

But you don't care.

You've got more important places to go.

11:45 AM: You get to the spot

'Hello. This is Asiacar. How can I help?'
'I am a car dealer, fitting you with transport that moves on four wheels.'
You respond, or not. 'I WANT A CAR GIVE IT TO ME QUICKLY I NEED TO MOVE SOMEWHERE GIVE ME A CAR OR I WILL SUE YOU!'

99p? Better than the deal the user got.

12:00 PM: Let's try that again

'Have you been attacked by a Damogran Frond-Crested Eagle?'
Response: 'No, not at all. I need a car. Just for me.'
'Wow, you must be very alone. So, a smart car?'
'What's so smart about a smart car? I don't even get it. This is rubbish.'

1:55 PM: You get to hire it after all

This is your new car, with two seats, voice activation, and it plays only Depeche Mode songs in infinite repeat!
To the strains of 'Just Can't Get Enough', you back out the driveway, running out on the busy street, filled with trucks attending some sort of mass ritual to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Then comes 'Enjoy the Silence', followed by 'Any Second Now', and while the wonderful sounding 'Personal Jesus' is playing, the engine suddenly stops. Whoops, time to assess the situation.

2:45 PM: Go back there!

'You have to pay for your own fuel. And prices reaching $2.50 per litre, I just can't believe it!'

3:35 PM: Back to the car

The next song to play is 'Sometimes I Wish I Was Dead'. Fitting. Asiacar couldn't give me something better if they tried to. Which is something non existent to them. Flipping through the tracks of this fairly decent 80's electronic group, you notice some odd spots. 'Take On Me?' That's not by Depeche Mode? But no time to complain - it's better than having no car, or having to listen through Nickelback (incidentally that was probably the case if you got a 4-seater).

I feel as confused as this man.

12:00 AM: After trying to pay for fuel and moving, you give up, leaving the car parked on the roadside.

Enough.

2:58 AM: Car accident.

'Asiacar notes that you have been involved in an accident. That's $200,000,000 compensation, plus 15% GST as well as a stupidity tax of $3,547.54 because you were dumb enough to use us. You could have used Phifty car rental, or Mudget, or Fertz, or even RMS Titanic.' Titanic? Oh dear, something that's worse. But I think I've had enough. Next time, let's take the bus. Hopefully no strange Indian people on it.