Church

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For those who can't handle the real truth, the spinners of fake truth at Wikipedia have a thoroughly boring article on Church.


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The faux patriot sissies at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about Church.

It has long been believed that a church is a place of worship. It was recently discovered though that in an interview with Barbara Walters, Christ tells us that it is in fact a place for mortal men to push thier earthly views on others while asking for large amounts of money. Apparently, Christ was quoted as saying:

You have all screwed this up bad, have you seen pictures of me? I didnt bathe, cut my hair, and I loved wine. I die so that you can get continually plastered and multiply like rabbits without consequences, and the majority of you are wasting your lives trying to be sin free! SIN FREE! WHY THE HECK DO YOU THINK I DIED FOR YOU! TO WIPE OUT YOUR SINS! I THOUGHT I WAS DOING YOU PEOPLE A FAVOR!

Christ then reportedly stood up, slapped Barbara with his Cross, and ascended into heaven with a tightly packed bowl and a bottle of Southern Comfort. Church is a middle man, a poor homeless middle man who wants handouts.