Diplomacy (game)

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“Otto von Bismarck once said, 'Diplomacy is like searching for the Burger King burger and holding on to its foot lettuce as hard as you can.' What he meant by this is whatever I want because the Postmodernists say I can't know someone's foot fungus might be what you get. I really hope this leads to a permanent solution.”

~ Katie Keurig

“Mutual destruction is a permanent solution.”

Diplomacy is very similar to doing geopolitics in Europe. You can't get anyone to honor their treaties, you can't find any reason to honor yours and sometimes your country ends up entirely devastated. Usually though Diplomacy has long since been the domain of nerds, who have for some reason or another given up Risk for their pastime and went on to betray other people who probably live relatively close to them in a simulated manner.

Diplomacy, as defined by the United Nations is "the ongoing effort to make conflict-ridden ways of dividing people that are not that different from each other." In other words, everyone is so occupied with quick victory, that they can't find any excuse to behave in an honorable and trustworthy manner.

Early diplomacy[edit]

A single celled amoeba once went up to a warring tribe and told them that it would help them take over Austria if they didn't kill it. The warring tribe ignored it though, because they couldn't see it with the naked eye and neither could they hear it because single celled lifeforms can't talk. unfortunately.

Frankly, early diplomacy was quite primitive. Everyone relied on sugar molecules that were located in the extracellular matrix. When the biofilm dried everyone knew it was time for the next stage in neo-Darwinian evolution.

Funny diplomacy[edit]

Funny diplomacy is a method used by bored high school students, in which they scatter discord amongst themselves. One famous example is when everyone ganged up on Italy.

This method was also used by a load of arseholes. I'm not going there.

See also[edit]