Eagles

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. This is my TED Talk about how the Council of Elrond was a massive failure doomed to failure and they should have just recruited the eagles to take The Ring to Mount Doom in the first place.

First, it quickly devolved into racial conflict and they couldn't get anything decided. This was bad because it precluded them from rational-decision-making. It is also racism. The result of this was that nothing was decided until the Hobbit got fed up and volunteered to take The Ring to Mordor. We do have to give him credit for this, because it was more than any of the other members did. However, the chosen course of action was kind of a bad idea, and it required not one but two direct interventions of Eru Ilúvatar to keep it from failing.

Second, Gandalf was there. Gandalf was able to summon eagles, and he should have known their capabilities. But did he bring up the eagles? No, he just let the men, elves, and dwarves get into their petty squables.

Third, the eagles were clearly, objectively the best choice. You just go to an outdoor sporting goods store and pick up the eagles. They are really fast and you can put things inside them.

Oh wait, never mind, I'm thinking of REO Speedwagon. Well, the eagles were still the best choice.

(What's that? The outdoor sporting goods store is REI?)

Well, this was also a failure. I'm sorry for the terrible TED Talk. I better get going and not waste any more of your time.