Elephant nuts

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Harvey was late. How could he possibly be late to the biggest event of the year? The bushy middle-aged squirrel bounded down the tree he likes to call home and went rushing off to the great harvest with the rest of the squirrels.

Ironically, it was this lateness, this tangle in Harvey's bowtie that would make him cuss and swear so much at his sartorial ineptitude, that would spare him from the ensuing pandemonium. This lateness to his one chance of binge before the oncoming winter would have mysterious blessings.

Harvey cursed the Lords of Time, whomever they may be, and scuttled along the forest floor with vigor. Will that damn fatass from accounting Timothy eat all of the walnuts before he got there again, just like that horrorshow that was the 2006 harvest? Man, that Timothy is a real unlikable bastard. How can Tina even stand to go out with him, let alone leave a nice guy like Steve for the tub of lard? But this muse is beside the point.

Something went horribly awry at the harvest. The squirrels were not there when Harvey arrived, they had long been scared off, but the nuts were there. Oh, they were there alright, squashed into the bitter ground beneath. Fragments of a formerly tenacious, now merely decadent cashew are strewn at Harvey's horrorstruck feet. Hundreds of brown walnut shards dotted the desolate landscape; the carnage before him was mostly compromised of his favorite nut of all, the delicious acorn. Alas! Green and brown everywhere! Mushed all up into the carpeting of Gaia, forever entangled into the land to tango with bushweeds and scorpions for generations to come.




Harvey collapsed onto his knees and started bawling uncontrollably. There goes all of his food for the winter. And his friends' food. But mostly his own food.

Just then, Harvey spied something.

Elephant footprints. They were everywhere. He knew what this meant, suddenly.

Oh shit, thought the career drone squirrel, I suddenly know what this means. The elephants buried their own nuts in the same spot as ours!


And then an elephant that came back for seconds squashed him.