Epidemiologists

WARNUNG: This page is gross! You've been warned...

Epidemiologists are CDC Disease Detectives who work remotely in bat caves or on computers with webcams and Zoom installed during the COVID-19 pandemic. They don't look like cops, which is fitting, because they aren't.

Things that epidemiologists do

• Detect diseases (duh)
• Answer questions
• Investigate guano (probably)

Things that epidemiologists DON'T do (hopefully)

• Use their butts to spread diseases by aerosolizing (farting) them into the atmosphere
• Create diseases in the lab in order to bioterror the populace
• Take novel Coronaviruses in dry ice from a Wuhan lab to the Huanan Seafood Wholesale Market
• Investigate Chinese people who talk about Coronavirus or lack of medical professionals (but maybe someday someone will remember that back in their day disease people put out diseases, not start them.)