Fairytale Exposé

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These sinister characters sold their distorted stories to Disney, they may appear warm and fuzzy but they're packing heat!


She actually had size ten hairy feet with fungal toenails.


He was advertising Virgin Air during the movie as a favour to Richard Branston, having previously consumed his premium millionaire peanuts.

Snow White[edit]

She was a ravid computer geek, living in a basement away from sunlight. She surfaces in the night to buy hard liquor and paper clips.

Beauty and the Beast[edit]

The "beauty" quite clearly had a bear/man crossbreed fetish.


He was a puppet, the strings were edited out of the movie due to a low budget. When he "transformed" into a "real boy" what actually happened was the puppet was burned by angry mime artists and a small boy with a retractable nose had to take his place.

Lady and the Tramp[edit]

A much over-exaggerated account of a posh woman being mugged, adapted into dog-form to avoid law-suits and keep in with the strange Disney idea that dangerous animals are more friendly to children than people.


Had hair extensions, and a beard.

Fairy God Mother[edit]

Was actually a confused hawk trapped under a wrinkly-oldie-person-lookie-like bed sheet and holding a voice changer in its beak.

7 Dwarves[edit]

Kidnapped Snow White after her website spammed their computers.

The Big Bad Wolf[edit]

Was actually more often known as The Boring Law-abiding Wolf. He had asthma, smoked 50 cigarettes a day and being Jewish couldn't eat pork.

The three Little Pigs[edit]

They were cowboy builders who extorted pensioners by charging outrageous prices for terrible building work. Two of them were later killed by their shoddy building work after a disgruntled neighbour knocked on their doors causing their houses to collapse. The remaining pig eventually cleaned up his act; he has a wife and goes to church.

Little Red Riding Hood[edit]

An infamous chavette who's hoody is permanently stained red with the blood of her victims. She once stabbed an ASBO.


Well known for her wolf-like characteristics and excess facial hair. Often reverts to cannibalism to survive.


That's what happens if you eat the illogic pickle.

See also[edit]