Five pound electron

I wish I could brag about my five pound electron, but he's the worst room mate of all time. No, really. I mean it.

Physicists flip a bitch about my room mate

They say he's a scientific anomaly that needs to be taken in for scientific purposes. And of course, that's sounding really tempting right now, because he's the worst room mate ever.

Really, he is.

He just sits there, fat and lazy. He's left an indentation on my leather sofa because he sits there so often. ANd since he's a nearly perfect sphere, without arms or legs or a pretty face or any of that shit, he can't get a job to pay the rent with.

I mean, he's cool to have around and stuff. He really is. He's like "Dude, check out my s-orbital." and spins in a circle and is only there 90% of the time. It's really neat. People love to party with him.

But other than that, he's fat and useless. Seriously, he's fucking fat though. Pretty much all other electrons in existence weigh so little that they're considered weightless—no weight at all. But my room mate, he weighs five pounds. What the hell?

I mean, the best he can do is calm down my neighbor Chlorine when he flips out. Chlorine like rips peoples' heads off looking for electrons and my buddy calms him down. But that's it.

I'll let the scientists take him now.

He sucks.