Fredrick and the Saucy Toothpick

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

This article has been deemed
because it's cool enough to curdle cheese.
See more EPICS


So you've come to learn of Fredrick's first tale. Splendid. Let's get started.

Part 1: The Boiling[edit]

Fredrick was hungry.

This was nothing particularly out of the ordinary. Fredrick was usually hungry around dinnertime. But the thing was, Fredrick wanted some pasta.

Again, this was nothing unusual, either. It was a Thursday, and Fredrick made pasta for dinner every Thursday. The only thing:

You know what? Screw this foreshadowing. They always try it in the fancy books, and all the language arts teachers go ham crazy over it. But it doesn't work. It's a spoiler, when it comes down to it. Heck, even THIS is a spoiler. I guess I should stop and just narrate before I give anything else away.

Fredrick put a sauce pan onto the stove, filled it halfway with water, and heated the pan to the 'high' setting on his stovetop. Fredrick decided to pull out a book to read while he waited for the water to boil. "What shall I read today?" Fredrick wondered aloud. He walked over to the bookshelf to pick a book.

"The foreshadowing" was the first title. As terribly interesting this sounded to Fredrick, he decided to look at the other possible titles. "Signals as to what will happen" was the next one. Fredrick didn't like the sound of this. It seemed too straightforward. Fredrick looked at the third title. It was "21 ways to spoil a plot."

Fredrick suddenly realized that the water was boiling and ready for the pasta.

Fredrick walked over to his cabinet that he generally uses for his spaghetti, and he pulled out the box of spaghetti. He grabbed a handful of noodles, snapped them in half, and poured them into the boiling water. He then put the spaghetti box back into the cabinet. Something seemed off.

Fredrick looked around him to try to remember what was missing. "Aha!" he exclaimed. "I forgot to get the meatballs!" Fredrick pulled the meatballs out of the oven. He didn't remember putting the meatballs in earlier, but then again, he usually did every Thursday, so Fredrick must have just forgotten about it. Fredrick pulled a second sauce pan out and set it on the stove top, next to the pan with spaghetti. He put the meatballs and sauce in, set the pan's heat to low, and began stirring the spaghetti with a wooden spoon.

Still, Fredrick felt that something was off. He decided to stop stirring the spaghetti, and to look around the kitchen for anything out of the ordinary. Fredrick spied a box of toothpicks in his spaghetti cabinet. That was alright. A sponge on the floor caught Fredrick's eye. He picked up the sponge and set it back on the counter beside his sink. Fredrick looked back at the spaghetti, and decided that the spaghetti had been stirred quite enough. Wait a minute, Fredrick had stopped stirring the spaghetti. So why was the wooden spoon still stirring the spaghetti?

Fredrick shouted in a alarm as plates and silverware were flying around the kitchen, landing on the dining room table. The pans of spaghetti, meatballs and sauce went to the dinner table, too. The spaghetti was poured onto the plate in a heap, and the sauce pan was hovering patiently above.

To Fredrick's further surprise, his kitchen was growing in size. Oh, bother, I won't bore you with those stupid "the world is growing!" clichés. Fredrick was shrinking. Fredrick wildly looked around for something to grab onto (although it wouldn't have done much good, he isn't falling), and Fredrick held onto the first thing he could think of: the box of toothpicks (the least helpful object for what Fredrick was trying to achieve).

As Fredrick got smaller, he couldn't hold the entire box of toothpicks, and instead decided to pull out a single toothpick, and he let go of the box. Fredrick was then suddenly lifted into the air, and deposited on the plate of spaghetti. Before Fredrick could gather his composure, the pan of meatballs and sauce deposited its contents onto Fredrick and the spaghetti. Fredrick desperately burrowed into the spaghetti, and was yet again surprised.

Fredrick found himself standing in a massive cave made out of spaghetti, with spaghetti stalactites and stalagmites, and various veins of flowing sauce, with chunks of meatballs.

His toothpick also appeared to be forged out of sauce.

Part 2: The Stirring[edit]

To Be Continued...