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“We use them too! Just not on our face.”

Gillette also specializes in creating weird-ass LAZER punters.

Gillette is a manufacturer of razors and razor blades and LAZER punters that are specifically used to make werewolves and Wookies (like your dad) achieve a desirable Oscar Wilde look. Or those huge man/grizzly bear hybrids that somehow came out of the womb of a human female that like to drink beer, drink beer, play beer pong, drink beer, occasionally drink a few shots of vodka and tequila, flirt with she-wolves, and drink some more beer on holidays and during the viewing of a pay-per-view fight on DirecTV. Gillette can most certainly help those Chewbacca-esque abominations look less like a social outcast, but when it comes down to sobering up, we can't help you there.

Behold: Gillette's glorious CGI fakeness!

Occasionally Gillette targets the female (She-Hulk/Bigfoot hybrid) leg market by advertising flawlessly smooth calves and thighs and feet. In reality, Gillette needs to hire a team of leg-hair stylists to get the job done. Come on: what woman wants to feel like she has the legs of a man?

“That's sexist! I most certainly want the legs of a man to prove that not only men can be masculine!

Women are mysterious, aren't they? One decade they mindlessly obey men and the next they are saying "In the name of the Mother, the Daughter, and the Holy Grandmother!" in front of the Vatican.

“At least women didn't invent the bra, but invented bullet-proof vests! And X-Rays!”

See? At least they don't have an issue with Gillette.