HowTo:Be A Star

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Do you want to be a star Do you want to shine brightly in the world of men? Do you want to be known for all your existance, bathed in shining glamorous lights and constantly looked at by... telescopes and astronomers?

Then look no further! All you have to do is dial a non-existent number to receive your free issue of this month's "Astronomer's Daily![1]"

HowTo: Be A Star[edit]

Hopefully this will be you.
  1. Firstly, you have to join a religion that believes in reincarnation, for example Reincarnationism.
  2. Then do bad stuff, so when you die you will be reborn as something horrible.
  3. Remember to also do shiny stuff, such as stealing mirrors, as that will help to make you reincarnated as something horrible....and shiny.
  4. Unless, of course....stars aren't shiny.
  5. The next step is to die.
  6. Of course, you will have to die shining, like for example, stabbing yourself near a desklamp.
  7. It helps, of course, if that desk is in space.
  8. Or any other light.
  9. In space.
  10. Once that task has been achieved, wait a few million light years.
  11. Light years! hahahahaha....
  12. Telling bad jokes is a good way to pass the time.
  13. Once you have reincarnated as a star, you can bore yourself to death, as you stay there the whole day....and night, shining, which indeedly is quite boring.

Now you know, how to be a star! [2]

HowTo: Be The Other Kind Of Star[edit]

You'll find that in the fiction section. [3]


  1. How misleading. It should be Astronomer's Monthly.
  2. You know what star I mean.
  3. Because that kind of star does not exist.