HowTo:Buy Groceries with a Cheez-It
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At some time in the past, I told you how to destroy the world with a cheezit. If you don't like world domination (for some reason), you can instead try to buy stuff with cheezits.
Where to get Cheezits[edit | edit source]
Buy them. If you don't feel like buying them, you can open a rift in time and space and ask God himself to bestow upon you the beauty that is Cheezits.
Executing your Plan[edit | edit source]
So, let's say you buy a dozen eggs, pancake batter, and the presence of antimatter stored into a ball[1]. That total would be equal to 63,420 dollars and ⅔ cents. You give the cashier a cheezit. There are 58 possible outcomes for this situation, but we'll just show the three most common ones.
Cashier Goes Along With the Plan[edit | edit source]
Occurs when the cashier is a chill guy and just wants to go home. He is too tired to tell the difference between cheezits and real money. This is a Good Ending.
If this succeeds...[edit | edit source]
Congratulations! You have completed a financial transaction with a cheese cracker! If that's considered an achievement to you... good job, I guess.
Cashier Doesn't Accept Cheezit[edit | edit source]
Occurs when the cashier cannot perceive the true financial meaning of the cheezit. This is a Bad Ending.
Cashier Doesn't Exist[edit | edit source]
Occurs when the cashier dissipates into a ball of dust[2] for unknown reasons.
What to do if the Cashier Doesn't Accept the Cheezit[edit | edit source]
Vigorously throw your dozen eggs at them. Next, throw the pancake batter at them as well. Next, as the cashier chases you and tries to drag you to the police, throw everything off the shelves. This will anger the cashier. While he is angered, you quickly counter-attack and run out of the back door of the store. And there you go! You have successfully completed a financial transaction with a cheese cracker. If that's considered an achievement to you... good job, I guess.[3]