HowTo:Make a Bird Shut Up

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Bananastar icon.png
This article is illogical enough to have made it onto the front page.
View more featured articles     Vote for new featured articles



This article is just one of many
from the depths of Illogicopedia's Mass Cheese Reserves.

See more guides at WikiHowl.

You obviously want to know: the look on your face says it all. So, here is how to make a bird shut up:

Things You'll Need[edit | edit source]

Steps[edit | edit source]

This just makes them gloat even louder.
  1. Approach the bird cage.
  2. Bang the cage softly.
  3. Open the door of the cage.
  4. Yell at the top of your lungs, "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
  5. Repeat as necessary.

Tips[edit | edit source]

  • It's best to do this while you still have a headache, and the bird is making a high pitched squawk.
  • When the bird shuts up, reward the bird with the honey stick.
  • If the bird won't shut up, eat the honey stick yourself. Honey induces calmness and sleep.

Another Tip[edit | edit source]

  • If you haven't already eaten the honey stick, consider feeding it to the bird anyway. Honey induces calmness and sleep.

One Final Tip[edit | edit source]

  • Do not beat the bird with the honey stick, as tempted as you may be.

But the Bird is Outside![edit | edit source]

  • Open a window and scream out of it instead.

Ahhh... Thanks[edit | edit source]

  • You're welcome.

Warnings Our Legal Advisors Insisted We Include[edit | edit source]

  1. Don't yell too loud if the bird is small.
  2. If the bird has a sharp beak don't bang the cage.
  3. If you violate warning #1, bury the bird under a nice tree, and mark the grave with a cross you made yourself out of popsicle sticks.
  4. If you violate warning #2, call an ambulance immediately before your finger starts turning green and growing fuzz.