IllogiBooks:The U.S. History You Never Learned in School/The Bad Years

Slavery and shit.

This was the first of the many "compromises" that delayed the Civil War.

The Missouri Compromise

This "compromise" created an imaginary line under Missouri that said, "Everything below me is a slave state, and above me is free". The only exception was Missouri itself because they just had to have their slaves.

Compromise of 1850

This "compromise" further delayed the Civil War by adding laws and stuffz that were later revoked. It made people even more angry.

The Kansas-Nebraska Act

This "act" wiped out the Missouri Compromise by saying, "Yeah, you can decide whether or not you want slaves. Oh what compromise? The Missouri one? Oh, yeah, fuck it." This started many battles between slaveholders and abolitionists. The most famous violence was when a man named John Brown (my hero) who raided a town and killed most of the slaveholders. He captured an arsenal but was caught and executed.

The Dred Scott Case

This was when a slave named Dred Scott said he should be free because his owner had died. He appealed it all the way up to the Supreme Court who instead of actually doing their job, dismissed the case. They said, that since he's a slave, he cannot file a lawsuit which is English for bullshit.

Uncle Tom's Cabin

This was a book that talked about how bad slavery is. Though it's obvious, this opened the eyes of many people who didn't give a rat's arse. The book talked about a nigga slave named Uncle Tom who had a cabin. Sorry. I've never read it.

Guided Practice Questions

1. Who is John Brown?
2. Why does my butt itch?
3. Why did I put "compromise" and "act" in quotes?

Answers

1. My hero.
2. Because it's sweaty.
3. I dunno.