IllogiNews:"World Cup didn't happen," says Argentina

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"This was never kicked," says Argentina.

Rio de Janeiro

Following what everyone else saw as Germany's win in the 2014 World Cup, Argentinian authorities are now claiming that the whole tournament "simply didn't happen." The president of Argentinian Football Relations, Marco Marionelli, released the following statement:

"I don't understand what you guys are talking about. Like--there was totally an asteroid or something that hit Brazil, so the World Cup was cancelled. How does everyone not remember this? It was a massive tragedy, but not that big, or something. It definitely happened. Something definitely happened to stop the World Cup from taking place. I don't know why people are saying we lost, either. I mean, if the world cup did happen, we definitely would have won. We're good at football, and whatnot. We definitely wouldn't lose. If it had happened at all. Which it didn't."

The president of FIFA, Sepp Blatter, scoffed at accusations of the 2014 World Cup not existing, saying, "Let's be serious. The only way the World Cup wouldn't have happened would be if someone paid me enough money." German players also take offense to the notion of no 2014 World Cup, citing the fact that they won it. "We already have enough bad history," said German striker Miroslav Klose, "Let us have this one."

Argentinian officials are assured that the 2018 World Cup in Russia will take place as planned, "Unless we lose or something."