IllogiNews:Baconists declare holiday, most don't care
This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.
CHERUBIC FALLS, Montana -- The headquarters to Baconism International in this bucolic landscape west of the Mississippi served as the springboard of a world-wide declaration that today, December 15, 2010, is the first annual St. Bacons Day holiday. Celebrations among these quasi-cultists will consist of, "burning lots of things, reading Stephen King novels, spackling one another with "Blessed Plaster" and fondling pigeons", this according to an insider.
In the words of the Immoral Bard, it was all much ado about bull-poopies. Although official rolls indicate a total of 732 billions members world wide, the less high among us believe that there are, "at most 4... or 3... maybe 7" members, says an anonymous IllogiNews staffer who didn't want to be labeled as a stoner.
The Baconism movement was founded in 1966 by drug-addled West Coast college professors as an attempt to stifle the increasing implementation by Fundamentalists of Muslim anchor-baby tactics in the United States and Greece. A love child of Rosicrucian philosophy and cold fusion, the "self-chosen", as they call themselves, meet in almond groves when the mood strikes, and frequent roadside taco stands.