IllogiNews:Horoscopes for December, 2010

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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Here is your horoscope for this fine month.

  • Aries - Super Mario will throw a fireball at you.
  • Taurus - Hulk Hogan will throw you in the ring. Don't expect a tax return.
  • Gemini - More elves will give you less presents for Christmas. Thank liberal logic!
  • Cancer - You are gonna get a bajillion dollars for your birthday. Quit dreaming, it ain't gonna happen.
  • Leo - Thou shalt not eatest the evil taco runts. Wear a sombero.
  • Virgo - The doctor will diagnose you with Male Menstrual Syndrome. Whine.
  • Libra - You will fly off the face of the flat Earth.
  • Scorpio - That math test will eat you alive. Literally. (Wait, wasn't that November's?)
  • Sagittarius - Thus, you were born. That'll be $344,233,454,433,554.345
  • Capricorn - Sorry. This horscope isn't available. Your computer will now self-destruct.
  • Aquarius - Your face will turn into a book.
  • Pisces - You will literally turn into pieces.
  • Fred Flintstone - Naruto will hit you with a stick. Grunt out an English essay.
  • Will Smith - ZZZZZZZZZ!
  • Whew - I'm done!