“Ooh, gimme some of those mushrooms that make you grow. Hihihihi.”
“It's Mario's world, we're just living in it”
Super Mario is a fat unemployed plumber, habitual drug user and all round bad egg. He is known throughout the Mushroom Kingdom, not for brave heroic acts of Princess-rescuing kindness, but for his cruelty and bad influence on children. According to the Guardian's Who's Who of The Mushroom Kingdom, He is 5 foot tall and weights 599,921 pounds, allowing him to destroy people by jumping on their heads. He is also known as the cousin of Mickey Mouse.
Delusions of grandeur
Mario believes himself to be superior to everybody else, or "super" as he terms it. He has little regard for anything and will ransack entire worlds, killing their innocent inhabitants, in search of money. He fantasizes about being powerful and having many sexual conquests with Princes Peach, but in reality he has only had sex with various animals in princess costumes, including flies, octopuses and spiders.
Mario the assassin
One of Mario's many delusions is that President Bowser of The Mushroom Kingdom (twice elected and beloved by all) is actually an evil tyrant. President Bowser has strenuously denied these claims, citing his charity work and donations to the poor as proof. To date Mario has attempted to assassinate the President thirty seven times and each time has eluded capture by escaping into the sewage pipe system. For substanance in the sewers he resorts to eating mushrooms that grow off of Rainbow Dash's beautiful rainbow shit. Although Bowser smells like poop and fucking thinks he has a shot with a princess when he is a turtle with spikes welllll he sucks!
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Mario's warped world
In Mario land (it isn't really called that but Mario likes to anyway), he does not care much for other living creatures, except for strange living toadstools. Mario "thinks" he sees them when in fact it is just the magic mushrooms that make them appear.
Things he beats up
- Random Turtles that wander about, minding their own business. They are colour coded according to flavour, purple being particularly tasty.
- Chestnuts with googly eyes. No one knows how or why he does this, all we are able to assume is it is because of the mushrooms he is consuming.
Things he saves
“He also saves his Playstation games to USB, illegally I may add!”
“He goes bubububi! and grows, shouts his name "Super Mariooooooo!" Then he shrinks and saves Princess Peach from Dr. Eggman before fighting Sonic to "ze def".”
“He likes going down tubes.”
- Dun dun dun du dun dun dun diddle iddle di da di da du di dum.
- Di di di di di di di, diddle iddle di da dee da doo diddum.
Duuw duuw duuw!
- Didi didi didi.
- Didi didi didi.
- Diddlidun dun dun dun dun dun dududududududududun.
Bow! Bow! Bow!
- Repeat a Brazilian times.
|Kings and Queens|
|Hey, you frog-wielding sword-toed poo-slinging timers! Here are the kings and queens:|
|William • Super Mario • The King of England • King Friday XIII • King Henry VIII • King of all Wikipedia • Raggle Fraggle King • Drew the blinds • Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus Tiberius Claudius Nero Caligula Rufus Romanum III • Queen Victoria • The Queen • Queen|