IllogiNews:Papal Bull denounces Cthulhu worship

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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Inside my head, this is happening.

The Papal Bull was released today to frolic with and stomp all over the poor and the meek, gathered outside the Pope's Vatican luxury condo today, clearing the way for the announcement of yet another command from the CEO of Roman Catholic LLC. It has been revealed that the motivation behind priestly molestations of children was in fact, the work of a secret network of Cthulhu worshippers bent on subverting the rule of our Lord's representative on Earth.

The command from God was translated into Pidgen English, then interpreted by a shaman with a really bad limp. Horrible things transpired, but we won't get into that now.

Nuns with hockey sticks were called in to assist the Swiss Guard. Monsignors were stationed on rooftops with fire hoses, and an adulterer was set ablaze as a distraction. A lackluster performance by the singing bears bored the crowd to tears, thus saving the Vatican from having to gas them.

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