Silver

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This article assumes that the element and the colour are the same thing. If you believe this assumption is in error, do not see Silver (disambiguation), because it does not exist.


Silver is the colour of silver, a metallic element defined by the fact that it is silver in colour and subsequently often described as silvery.[1] The colour silver is, in fact, only considered silver due to its shininess; without it, silver will fade to some form of grey such as lead or uranium or another dull element.

The eleventh colour on the periodic table, silver is prized for its qualities as both a transitional metal and aesthetic trait. It is the only colour that is a capable semiconductor, and is highly valued in high-end electronics. Unfortunately, its rarity and subsequent priciness prevent it from being used in the private sector; limiting its revolutionary effects on digital rendering to government projects and the playthings of the very wealthy.

Silver, prized for its shininess, is a wholly remarkable colour.

Depiction in Media[edit]

Normally very shiny, silver becomes nearly indistinguishable from the non-metal grey when rendered in digital media, due to the fact that typical computers are not made of silver. Instead, computers are usually manufactured with various shades of greys that together form the colours with which regular users are familiar.

When silver is utilised in the manufacture of computer displays, however, the range of colours is not only expanded but the colours themselves are augmented. The ability to render as shiny enables monitors to display what has best been described, in the words of an interviewed drunk, "psychedelic, man... psychedelic."[2] He passed out shortly after and did not respond to further questioning.

Quicksilver Scandals[edit]

Silver is very dangerous. Very dangerous. Do not kiss those lips.

Originally believed to be a liquid form of silver, quicksilver was discovered to not be silver at all when scientists, in an attempt to solidify quicksilver into silver and liquefy silver into quicksilver, all mysteriously died. Further investigation revealed quicksilver to be quite poisonous. The fact that quicksilver is also not actually that shiny only added to the doubts.

For the most part, the entire matter died off after this, though several pro-quicksilver groups continued to research the matter. Finally, against all odds, one group of pro-quicksilver advocates conceived an ultimate plan to prove the silveriness of quicksilver, but unfortunately died of mercury poisoning before they could carry it out. After that, most of the others lost hope and to this day, quicksilver is not considered silver.

Even attempts to treat it to become silver have not been made, not after the evidence of its lethality was released.

Discovery of Silver[edit]

Discovered in 1892BC by Abyssinian surveyors attempting to scope a hillside when they were suddenly blinded by light shining off a shiny metallic object, silver was immediately prized for its pure shininess, or it would have been if they had still been able to see after this initial blindedness.[3] Finally, as their untrained eyes slowly adjusted to the glare from the as yet unnamed silver, the astounded and awed surveyors gathered around the gleaming mass and knew that the future lay before them. They had stumbled upon something amazing.

Excitedly, they brought samples of this silver back to their civilisation. The nobles and the wealthy were in awe, but had no trouble at all taking they naïve surveyors by surprise, going on to steal the monumental discovery for themselves.

Nobody paid any mind to the bodies later found in a nearby ditch.

And the rest is history.

Use in Cold Fusion[edit]

Because it's so shiny, silver also has essential uses in cold fusion research. Aside from pretty rings that cold fusion scientists craft on their off time that are made of silver, silver also has ample reactivity in silver-uranium cathodes when the tritium process fluctuations near quantum improbable stability.

Tritium diode radius measurements have shown that silver ions likely will react with plutonium-444 in a fuzzy quantum bound isolation chamber to give of vast amounts of excess energy in a safe fashion. Neutralized methodologies may incarcerate five non-partial radial axis with in the boundary equation deviations in order to produce the new results that prove feasibility. Naturally, what this all ads up to with respect to commercialization is that floundering profoundly with researchers will net grants equal to or greater than in size the net funding.

To finally add what is necessary to bake the results properly, one really must understand that tritium quantum reactions. This in effect nets the effective products. In the near future, cold fusion may be viable to a certain extent which should not be under estimated, but also should not be over estimated, assuming the creators are using the right kind of crayons.

Examples[edit]

Things that are silver[edit]

  • Silver
  • Platinum
  • Crayons

This may seem overly tautological, but silver is, in fact, the only thing in existence that is silver. Unlike other colours, there is no categorisation nor any myriad hues or variant values or classes of other colours. Only silver is as shiny as silver.

Besides platinum, that is.

Things that could be silver if properly treated[edit]

Many people, including professional metalworkers as well as random passers-by, have wondered over the years if it would not be possible to manufacture silver out of other similar colours and elements, adding elemental properties to the colours and colour properties to the elements. While much research and experimentation has gone into this, it was not until recently that researchists finally found the key to treating materials into silver: beating the molecular and photonic structures with a crowbar.[4]

So far, these have been successfully treated:

Normally, after all, these elements fall short of silver in one key area: their shininess. The question then remains: what of other elements and colours that already are shiny enough, but merely not the right type of colour? It is speculated that further crowbarring would suffice in this area as well, but the means have yet to be discovered.

Notes[edit]

  1. Silver, is, in fact, quite silvery; this is why it is called 'silver'.
  2. At least, we think he was talking about silver. He was pretty out of it.
  3. It was really shiny. It is postulated that this may, in fact, have been a concentrated deposit. While no others have been found, the surviving depictions and records support the theory of silver concentrate.
  4. Technically, 'crowbar' is the wrong word. The proper term is 'prybar,' but media influences and lacking edumacations have mainstreamed the use of the less correct term.
Group # 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
Period
1 1 H
hydrogen
1.00794(7)

0 n
neutronium
1.00866
Illogicopedian Elements

2 He
helium
4.002602(2)
2 3 Li
lithium
6.941(2)
4 Be
beryllium
9.012182(3)

5 B
boron
10.811(7)
6 C
carbon
12.0107(8)
7 N
nitrogen
14.00674(7)
8 O
oxygen
15.9994(3)
9 F
fluorine
18.9984032(5)
10 Ne
neon
20.1797(6)
3 11 Na
sodium
22.98976928(2)
12 Mg
magnesium
24.3050(6)

13 Al
aluminium
26.9815386(8)
14 Si
silicon
28.0855(3)
15 P
phosphorus
30.973762(2)
16 S
sulfur
32.066(6)
17 Cl
chlorine
35.4527(9)
18 Ar
argon
39.948(1)
4 19 K
potassium
39.0983(1)
20 Ca
calcium
40.078(4)
21 Sc
scandium
44.955912(6)
22 Ti
titanium
47.867(1)
23 V
vanadium
50.9415(1)
24 Cr
chromium
51.9961(6)
25 Mn
manganese
54.938045(5)
26 Fe
iron
55.845(2)
27 Co
cobalt
58.933195(5)
28 Ni
nickel
58.6934(2)
29 Cu
copper
63.546(3)
30 Zn
zinc
65.39(2)
31 Ga
gallium
69.723(1)
32 Ge
germanium
72.61(2)
33 As
arsenic
74.92160(2)
34 Se
selenium
78.96(3)
35 Br
bromine
79.904(1)
36 Kr
krypton
83.80(1)
5 37 Rb
rubidium
85.4678(3)
38 Sr
strontium
87.62(1)
39 Y
yttrium
88.90585(2)
40 Zr
zirconium
91.224(2)
41 Nb
niobium
92.90638(2)
42 Mo
molybdenum
95.94(1)
43 Tc
technetium
[97.9072]
44 Ru
ruthenium
101.07(2)
45 Rh
rhodium
102.90550(2)
46 Pd
palladium
106.42(1)
47 Ag
silver
107.8682(2)
48 Cd
cadmium
112.411(8)
49 In
indium
114.818(3)
50 Sn
tin
118.710(7)
51 Sb
Antimony
121.760(1)
52 Te
tellurium
127.60(3)
53 I
iodine
126.90447(3)
54 Xe
Xenon
131.29(2)
6 55 Cs
caesium
132.9054519(2)
56 Ba
barium
137.327(7)
*
Lanthanoids
72 Hf
hafnium
178.49(2)
73 Ta
tantalum
180.94788(2)
74 W
tungsten
183.84(1)
75 Re
rhenium
186.207(1)
76 Os
osmium
190.23(3)
77 Ir
iridium
192.217(3)
78 Pt
platinum
195.084(9)
79 Au
gold
196.966569(4)
80 Hg
Mercury
200.59(2)
81 Tl
Thallium
204.3833(2)
82 Pb
lead
207.2(1)
83 Bi
bismuth
208.98040(1)
84 Po
polonium
[208.9824]
85 At
astatine
[209.9871]
86 Rn
radon
[222.0176]
7 87 Fr
francium
[223.0197]
88 Ra
radium
[226.0254]
**
Actinoids
104 Rf
rutherfordium
[263.1125]
105 Db
dubnium
[262.1144]
106 Sg
seaborgium
[266.1219]
107 Bh
bohrium
[264.1247]
108 Hs
hassium
[269.1341]
109 Mt
meitnerium
[268.1388]
110 Ds
darmstadtium
[272.1463]
111 Rg
roentgenium
[272.1535]
112 Cn
copernicium
[277]
113 Nh
nihonium
[284]
114 Fl
flerovium
[289]
115 Mc
moscovium
[288]
116 Lv
livermorium
[292]
117 Ts
tennessine
[291]‡
118 Og
oganesson
[293]
8 119 Uue
Ununenium
[295]‡
120 Ubn
Unbinilium
[294]‡
***
Superactinoids
156 Uph
Unpenthexium
[???]
157 Ups
Unpentseptium
[???]
158 Upo
Unpentoctium
[???]
159 Upe
Unpentennium
[???]
160 Uhn
Unhexnilium
[???]
161 Uhu
Unhexunium
[???]
162 Uhb
Unhexbium
[???]
139 Ute
Untriennium
[???]
140 Uqn
Unquadnilium
[???]
167 Uhs
Unhexseptium
[485]
168 Uho
Unhexoctium
[489]
169 Uhe
Unhexennium
[493]
170 Usn
Unseptnilium
[496]
171 Usu
Unseptunium
[500]‡
172 Usb
Unseptbium
[504]‡
9 163 Uht
Unhextrium
[???]
164 Uhq
Unhexquadium
[???]
****
Eka-actinoids
206 Bnh
Binilhexium
[???]
207 Bns
Binilseptium
[???]
208 Bno
Biniloctium
[???]
209 Bne
Binilennium
[???]
210 Bun
Biunnilium
[???]
211 Buu
Biununium
[???]
212 Bub
Biunbium
[???]
213 But
Biuntrium
[???]
214 Buq
Biunquadium
[???]
165 Uhp
Unhexpentium
[???]
166 Uhh
Unhexhexium
[???]
215 Bup
Biunpentium
[???]
216 Buh
Biunhexium
[???]
217 Bus
Biunseptium
[???]
218 Buo
Biunoctium
[???]

* Lanthanoids 57 La
lanthanum
138.90547(7)
58 Ce
cerium
140.116(1)
59 Pr
praseodymium
140.90765(2)
60 Nd
neodymium
144.242(3)
61 Pm
promethium
[144.9127]
62 Sm
samarium
150.36(2)
63 Eu
europium
151.964(1)
64 Gd
gadolinium
157.25(3)
65 Tb
terbium
158.92535(2)
66 Dy
dysprosium
162.500(1)
67 Ho
holmium
164.93032(2)
68 Er
erbium
167.259(3)
69 Tm
thulium
168.93421(2)
70 Yb
ytterbium
173.04(3)
71 Lu
lutetium
174.967(1)
** Actinoids 89 Ac
actinium
[227.0277]
90 Th
thorium
232.03806(2)
91 Pa
protactinium
231.03588(2)
92 U
uranium
238.02891(3)
93 Np
neptunium
[237.0482]
94 Pu
plutonium
[244.0642]
95 Am
americium
[243.0614]
96 Cm
curium
[247.0703]
97 Bk
berkelium
[247.0703]
98 Cf
californium
[251.0796]
99 Es
einsteinium
[252.0830]
100 Fm
fermium
[257.0951]
101 Md
mendelevium
[258.0984]
102 No
nobelium
[259.1011]
103 Lr
lawrencium
[262.110]
***Still Superactinoids 141 Uqu
Unquadunium
[???]
142 Uqb
Unquadbium
[???]
143 Uqt
Unquadtrium
[???]
144 Uqq
Unquadquadium
[???]
145 Uqp
Unquadpentium
[???]
146 Uqh
Unquadhexium
[???]
147 Uqs
Unquadseptium
[???]
148 Uqo
Unquadoctium
[???]
149 Uqe
Unquadennium
[???]
150 Upn
Unpentnilium
[???]
151 Upu
Unpentunium
[???]
152 Upb
Unpentbium
[???]
153 Upt
Unpenttrium
[???]
154 Upq
Unpentquadium
[???]
155 Upp
Unpentpentium
[???]
****Yep, Still Eka-actinoids! 191 Ueu
Unennunium
[???]
192 Ueb
Unennbium
[???]
193 Uet
Unenntrium
[???]
194 Ueq
Unennquadium
[???]
195 Uep
Unennpentium
[???]
196 Ueh
Unennhexium
[???]
197 Ues
Unennseptium
[???]
198 Ueo
Unennoctium
[???]
199 Uee
Unennennium
[???]
200 Bnn
Binilnilium
[???]
201 Bnu
Binilunium
[???]
202 Bnb
Binilbium
[???]
203 Bnt
Biniltrium
[???]
204 Bnq
Binilquadium
[???]
205 Bnp
Binilpentium
[???]

***Superactinoids 121 Ubu
Unbiunium
[???]
122 Ubb
Unbibium
[???]
123 Ubt
Unbitrium
[???]
124 Ubq
Unbiquadrium
[???]
125 Ubp
Unbipentium
[???]
126 Ubh
Unbihexium
[???]
127 Ubs
Unbiseptium
[???]
128 Ubo
Unbioctium
[???]
129 Ube
Unbiennium
[???]
130 Utn
Untrinilium
[???]
131 Utu
Untriunium
[???]
132 Utb
Untribium
[???]
133 Utt
Untritrium
[???]
134 Utq
Untriquadium
[???]
135 Utp
Untripentium
[???]
136 Uth
Untrihexium
[???]
137 Uts
Untriseptium
[???]
138 Uto
Untrioctium
[???]
****Eka-actinoids 173 Ust
Unsepttrium
[???]
174 Usq
Unseptquadium
[???]
175 Usp
Unseptpentium
[???]
176 Ush
Unsepthexium
[???]
177 Uss
Unseptseptium
[???]
178 Uso
Unseptoctium
[???]
179 Use
Unseptennium
[???]
180 Uon
Unoctnilium
[???]
181 Uou
Unoctunium
[???]
182 Uob
Unoctbium
[???]
183 Uot
Unocttrium
[???]
184 Uoq
Unoctquadium
[???]
185 Uop
Unoctpentium
[???]
186 Uoh
Unocthexium
[???]
187 Uos
Unoctseptium
[???]
188 Uoo
Unoctoctium
[???]
189 Uoe
Unoctennium
[???]
190 Uen
Unennilium
[???]