Jim Corndog

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"Man? Meat? Meh."

Jim Corndog, no relation to an actual corndog, was a 7th century philosopher and scientist, poetry hater, tubular novelty food product, Linux Developer (nicknamed the "Beefy Miracle"), and a noted contemporary of George Hamburg.

Kinda makes you feel a bit inferior, doesn't it, meatbag?

The hastily-conceived son of Oscar Mayer, Jim worked part time in his father's butcher shop, chopping meat and propagating self-hate crimes.

In later years, he formulated a number of long-lasting preservatives, as well as many influential theories that have also survived into modern times, including:

  • The nature of life, consciousness, and autonomous locomotion
  • The non-corporeal existence of the soul within living meat-beings, and
  • The infinite prolongation of youth via ritualized injection of nitrates, MSG and hot dog flavouring

Jim was named world thumb wrestling champion in 684, despite a handicap of only three fingers per hand and arms the size of flexible plastic drinking straws.

He died in 1988, and was laid to rest in the cart of a Newark, New Jersey street vendor, where he was sold to feed a hungry toddler.

(Keep this in mind the next time you peer into an aluminum vat of wieners, and wonder what you are even doing there in the first place.) Not only that but it might be the Rainbow Factory for all you know. Get out of there. Fast!