John Lemon

John Lemon was the rather juicy and zesty lead singer of the Beatles cover band known as The Bergamots. This band originally started out in 1963 as a band covering whatever music they found in an abandoned dumpster near to the base of EMI Records, where manuscripts were thrown out on a daily basis. Unfortunately, being citrus fruits, they weren't any good at making music.

This article will not focus on the Bergamots, except for a few sentences, as they were utterly terrible and generally forgettable, consisting of John Lemon, Pomelo McCartney on lead guitar, Etrog Harrison as the bassist, and on drums, Ringo Starfruit, who wasn't a citrus fruit, but was allowed to stay in the band after he contributed $200,000 to their funding, which was promptly wasted on whatever the citrus equivalent of the good life is.

Assassination

The main focus of this article is the assassination of John Lemon, which took place in 1980 thanks to several factors: one was the fact that the owners of the lemons, who did not know about this lemon's musical career, had brought it into their kitchen, and were about to chop it up and sprinkle in on their evening meal (fish and chips). Despite the efforts of his fellow band members, the wife of the family, Melanie Darren Chapman (vaguely adjusted), brought the knife in on John's tiny body.

The murder was a major focus of the citrus community, with oranges, lemons, limes, tangerines and even satsumas (does anyone like satsumas at all?) coming together to condemn unholy citrus murder. Unfortunately, every day, around the world, thousands of innocent fruits are injured for the food needs of the humans.

Why don't you take a stand?

You know it's what old John would've wanted.