The Beatles

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“The Beatles got so high... they even let Ringo sing a few songs!”

~ Bill Hicks on drugs

The Beatles are a band of insect musicians that were famous for using drugs in their music: for example hitting their guitars with bags of marijuana whilst mixing their drum sounds with a picture of opium converted into sound using massive (too much) amounts of delay. Contrary to popular belief, The Beatles were not dead, despite being from Liverpool.[citration needed]

How they met[edit | edit source]

It all started out when Paul McCartney was walking around the England one day looking for trouble when he happened to stop by ye olde Abbey Road studios. Apparently they had hired 4 Africans to make a couple of songs for their next Christmas album. Upon taking one look at them he was all like

“Ok I see what you got going on here, I see ya'll play dah instruments. I need the instruments, why don't you get into my van”

~ Paul McCartney

And so they were The Beatles; John, Paul, Ringo and George continued to make music forever more until they stopped. What happened to the 4th African, you ask? He died on the way.

Lyrics[edit | edit source]

Lyrics written by The Beatles are debated over originality, as some claim[weasel whirls] these lyrics are exactly what they imagined would be written if God listened to Venetian Snares. Paul McCartney had this statement to make:

“ In the late 60's my partner John Lennon and I each had written a song, and ironically they were both in the same key; and for some strange reason we tried to squash the two together, and for some equally strange reason it worked, and, uh, they sounded like this!”

~ Paul McCartney.

Debated lyrics[edit | edit source]

The debated lyrics are as follows:

  • How does it feel like to wake up in the sun / and how does it feel like to shine on everyone / and how does it feel like to let forever be / and how does it feel like to spend a little lifetime sitting in a gutter?
  • Winnipeg / has been chosen four times in a row / as the world's capital of sorrow.
  • Baom tsh tsh tsh dtsh / I'M YOUR LADY / duuun / burrrrt / listennetsiiiiii listen to the soouunndsistentsiiiiiii lis-en / listen to the sssss eht ot sssssten / listenssssten to the sssooounds of winnipegpinniwfosdnuosehtotnetsilllllll / listen to the sou *song fades*
  • *Indecipherable due to over-delayed drumming*
  • I am the walrus / goo-goo-g'joob...
  • Heysátan / höfðum þau hallí ró / en ég sló / ég sló tún / ég hef slegið fjandans nóg / en ég sló / heysátan.

Instruments used throughout their career[edit | edit source]

  • Drums
  • Nothing
  • Paul McCartney's ex-wife
  • Electro-acoustic guitar tuned to be beyond human hearing
  • Aphex Twin
  • Reggae samples
  • Something
  • Doves being forced to emit a scream using complex torture technology not yet invented even in the 21st century
  • Sigur Ros
  • Backwards tape recorder
  • Nothing