My journey to Greece

Ok, so I know that this isn't exactly a one-stop destination for tourists, but the others where far to expensive. £4.64p for a holiday in Barbados?? You must be mad. I couldn't afford that! So, I decided the best way to waste my time is to stay in a really cheap country. So, after I got off the plane to Greece, I got out my car to see the sites. However, I had just accidentally introduced the Greek locals to the concept of the wheel. After they treated me like a god for over a month, I decided to teach the 3 families that have been living in the same muddy crap-hole for 10 million years with 8-13 children each how to drive.

But, there was a problem. There fingers had evolved and e-justed to holding a fag in both hands, they ended up crashing into the town hall which was really just a mud-pit with a half-naked man with a beard even though he's only 23 withering around in human waste and mud. Then they where all arrested and beaten to death for going against the ancient law of Athens that forbids standing within 3 meters of any modern technology. So, I made a hasty escape, standing on many geese and stranded babies ( because there mothers where forced to work on a castle owned by the greek prime minister on a wage of €6 a decade ) in the process. So, I finally landed in the capital city, of Athens ( can you see the infinite loop, eh? ).

So, I decided to write down my previously horrifying and traumatic experience in the largest city in Greece, but sadly my laptop was confiscated by the police because the .GIF of a dancing little monkey I had on my screen at the time was mistaken by the primitive locals to be an actual monkey trapped inside a plastic box. Despite the fact that real monkeys are not purple. I forgave them for this grave mistake as if I was in a café at the time it would of been raided by the armed forces. So, I decided that I couldn't go on walking through what seems to be a street that looks so poor that the buildings may actually be re-used from an old production of A midsummer night's dream, so I decided that I would wright about my experience on a good old fashioned pen and paper once I got to a safe place.

After a long while, I trundled to a park bench in the pissing rain, And got out my pen and paper. I decided to see if any of the local houses has an episode of top gear on, but sadly top gear is not popular in Greece. This is because there's only 2 TV's in the hole country, and one of them's broken. The place was barren because most of the people around this area have brains that have trouble breathing and running at the same time. I hoped that maybe I might be able to hail a taxi in the hope that it would take me to the airport, though the nearest thing in the way of transport that worked was around 20 miles away, and that was a hobo who was struggling to get up, and I would have to piggy-back him of some sort. I then noticed the area was full of heroin and poo. Then get stabbed.