Puddle Kick

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Hello Darling

The sky was overcast, and it was my nephew's eighth birth's day. He wanted to go to some crummy waterpark with his three imaginary friends. It was a birth's day bash that was crushed by the cruel preferences of mother's nature. My nephew, Salad, kicked a puddle and cursed a cloud.

"The Jesuits frown upon my birthday!' Salad shouted.

"Look little Salad boy," I tried to console him, "If you just be a good little gremlin, the clouds will clear up. Then we can all go to Water Park World and have a wondrous time."

"Okay." Salad said before collapsing to the ground in a heap of childflesh.

"Salad. Get up. You're acting like a mound of childflesh. I can't condone that." He did not say a word of move and inch. I walked over and nudged him with my foot.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," a voice said from behind me. I turned around but no one was there.

"You can't see us," a second voice said, "we are the Three Turbulent Specters. Your nephew, our master, made us come into being. We are his three imaginary friends. But we aren't imaginary. We have always existed- albeit in little Salad's mind. Now that he is a pile of childflesh, we have been freed from his psyche to wreak havoc on the world."

"Hey that's cool for you," I announced enthusiastically. "How are you going to wreak havoc?"

"Well," answered the third voice that sorta sounded like a donkey, "we wanted to get into that 7-11 over there and start freestyle rapping for the cashier. And since we are invisible, we'd totally freak him out."

"There's just one problem," added the first voice, "Little Salad Boy never granted us permission to open doors, so we were hoping you'd open the door for us, so we can get in and start rapping."

"Yeah. Sure," I said. I then walked over across the street to the 7-11 and opened the door.

"If you don't mind, we'd prefer it if you stood outside while we performed this wacky shenanigan.

"Yeah. Sure," I said.

From outside I could hear the muffled rap being performed by the three voices.

It went something like this.

"I am a duck in a flying V among the geese.

I am a man with a gas mask on brushing his teeth.

Are we humans or cubans?

Time will only tell.

But if there's a missile crisis, it'll send us all to hell.

I'm the dolphin's endorphin.

And I'm the boisterous oyster.

Tell me I'm the dirty orphan baby.

Tell me I'm a fuckin' toaster."

And with that, I heard a gunshot and saw blood splatter on the window in front of me. I opened the door, and the specters exited.

"Well, that's that," the donkey voice announced, "the cashier killed himself in the face. Bye."

The specters continued on to another dimension or some shit like that, and I spent the rest of my day alone at Water Park World. The clouds never cleared up, so the lines were short, and that was cool.