Refrigerator soup

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Have a bunch of leftovers to use up? Is your refrigerator full but your stomach empty? If so, then its time to make refrigerator soup.

Start with a good base[edit | edit source]

That can of chicken broth that has been sitting around for weeks? It will make a perfect soup base. What, you don't have chicken broth on hand? Try that can of tomato paste - yes, the one with the dents and the swollen lid. We never throw anything away around here, no use wasting perfectly inedible food. Out of tomato sauce or tomato paste? Use the ketchup and mix it with soy sauce, that will make a good base. Oh no, don't tell me we're out of ketchup too, you'll need more than a tablespoonful for a good base. Okay then, use the bag of potatoes. Never mind that they're sprouted, just cut the sprouts off and throw them in. Then wash the potatoes because dirt is delicious. Chop the potatoes and boil them, then mash the life out of them. Potatoes can be dangerous if left unattended, so don't forget to watch the pot so that it will boil. Once you have your mashed potato/ketchup/soy sauce mixture ready, add water. Now you have your soup base.

Add meats and vegetables[edit | edit source]

Now its time to start cooking. While the soup base boils, add to it the green cheese, wilted lettuce, green lunchmeat, soggy salad, soft cucumber, slimy mushrooms, and the potato salad from three weeks ago. Then chop up the carrots (yes, the faded ones) and add them in. Add that container full of eggplant parmesan from two weeks ago, and the pickled herring that has been there since Christmas. Noodles are great in soup, so add the spaghetti and the burned mac & cheese from last week, along with the fried rice from last Friday. Then add a can of tuna, along with the water it came in. If it came in oil, add the oil too. If you have a freezer-burned bag of vegetables in your freezer, this would be a great opportunity to use it.

Add spices[edit | edit source]

If you omitted the soy sauce, you will need to add seasoning to your soup. Here's where your mustard, BBQ sauce, orange juice, flat cola, mayonnaise, ranch dressing, beer, and vinegar come in. The more seasoning you use, the better. Remember, there's no such thing as too much seasoning. Better yet, add Tabasco sauce, horseradish, pepper, chilli flakes, and salsa liberally.

Disclaimer[edit | edit source]

This recipe is not to be cooked by, nor served to, any minors under age 21. The author disclaims all responsibility should you actually try this at home. Please practice safe food.