The first thing you all have to remember, is that it's not really a rhinoceros. It's actually a rare species of tiger, known to locals of the Kimojhavey village as Dinko jigho, or "really tiny ears". The next thing you need to know, is that it's not really jello. It's blue pudding.
But enough about me. You're about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime! You're about to learn first-hand about the production and manufacturing of Rhinoceros Jello, and its significance in the national economy! Jerry, tell him what he's won!
Well Bill, Jimmy here is about to learn first-hand about the production and manufacturing of Rhinoceros Jello, and its significance in the national economy!
Thanks, Ted! Are you ready for your prize?! Well, here it comes!
A Bucket of Limbs[edit | edit source]
A BUCKET OF LIMBS?! Well, hot piss! I've been needing one of those! It's just the thing I need to make a fresh new batch of RHINOCEROS JELLO!
What the fuck is Rhinoceros Jello, Carpenter?
Well I was hoping you might know, Burland!
Well, God dammit...
The Best Part of Waking Up Is Jethro in Your Cup[edit | edit source]
That's right. I'm CEO of Rhinoceros Jello Company, and I wanted to let you all in on a little secret. Jethro-bucks coffee maker beans are the perfect product to help stimulate the national economy by you buying them, in the store, with cash! Don't trust me! Trust him!
OK! If you say so! It's time for a jelly bean massage!
You Must Have Been the Perfect Doctor Octopus[edit | edit source]
What? I didn't act until tomorrow! How did you know my secret identity! It's not like I wouldn't have told you if you asked me, but no, you had to go out and find out on your own, didn't you? What, you don't trust me? I gave you a full security staff, luxuries, and a lifetime supply of Rhinoceros Jello and now you're saying you don't love me anymore?! Well, I've had it! I'm going back to mother!
Mother Knows Best[edit | edit source]
You're damn right she does! Mother was the one who told me to never mix Rhinoceros Jello with chloroform, and look how I turned out! Sparkling pieces of jewelry and a box of crackers! HAHA! You guys never knew what was going on right in front of your noses, but I was there the whole time! Weaklings! Feel my wrath!
How Long Have You Been There?[edit | edit source]
Oh don't mind me. I'm CEO of the Company. I've been supervising this whole commercial. I needed a high place up to sit to see everything. I think that was a pretty good take so we're gonna pack this thing up now. Put this chair away.
That's right. Call me sir.