Second bearded man who is like the first but with a greyer beard and the smell of children emenating from various hairy holes in his shirt

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Hyurrrrrrgh. Hurrrrrghghrrhgh. Hurgh. Harhghgbarf.

He's like your averaged bearded man but with some kind of illegal watermelon concealed beneath his shirt that smells of children. Also he was part of Right Said Fred until his white shirt was eclisped by his greyish beard. He was whipped for his misdeed and given an Ominous Crotch Stain (Oh no!) - the pirate death sentence.