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Count 'em! Name 'em! List 'em! There's, like, seven of them!
Not much is known about the actual hells themselves, but we do know what you have to do to get into them.
Hell Number One -- Zibbleblop
Zibbleblop is a hell for which you will be sent if you...
- Try to grow a potted plant on a unicorn
- Eat 76 pounds of rancid alligator meat
- Exist in a land with less than 500,000 Wal-Marts (this brought to you by Wal-Mart Inc. Ltd. ♠♣♥♦ ½⅓⅔¼¾⅛⅜⅝⅞∞)
- Ponder over the viscosity of specialty designer penguins
- Hug a llama without asking the llama if it would like to be hugged
- Turn into a tube sock
Hell Number Two -- Ee'a'tmo Remar-shmellowzzz
You will be sent here if you...
- Throw mangoes at a statue of Oscar Wilde made out of jelly and concrete
- Try to spell "&"
- Sing loudly in C-flat mijor
- Drink Argentinian pureed snail shells with a straw made out of flesh from your own elbow
- Try to understand a single article I make
- Try to make articles worse than mine
Hell Number Three -- Thrrf
Hey! You wanna go here? All you gotta do is one of these things...
- Pick your nose in front of the prime minister of Umbrellistan while juggling 34.7 candles
- Drive a car made of meatballs
- Speak the magic incantation "Tu fatue et obese". Oh, and also translate that from Latin to English using trusty ol' Google Translate (This brought to you by Google Inc. Ltd. ₳฿₵₯€₣#. Translate it, now. That means you, Bckbye. Yeah, I totally targeted you for no reason whatsoever - - User:PiddlerOfTrousers for User of teh month)
- Pour cheese whiz on your hard drive of your grandparents' computer
- Make a robot that can massage your toes
- Fall asleep on fire while being poked with a stick by Abraham Lincoln made of ham and pennies while playing Pokemon and trying to catch Abra covered in five dollar bills. This is by far the easiest way to get into Thrrf.
Hell Number Four -- Iflo-opt-hepig
Oooooooooooh we're halfway theeeere! You'll get here if you...
- Make Yoda feel slightly avuncular
- Survive three hours of not thinking about the nature of hippopotamus zombies
- Eat balloon rinds while scuba diving in a pot of semi-decayed hippopotamus zombies
- Use Justin Bieber's foot as a good luck charm
- Use live crabs as shoulder armor
- Throw solid three-dimensional polyhedrons at a picture of a two headed mutant with the heads of Thomas Edison, riding a horse, riding a car, riding a train, riding a plane, riding another horse, riding the Death Star, on a single, partly deflated beach ball.
Hell Number Five -- Tuf'atue
This place is known to have lots of grapes. We know this because a psychedelic goat named Ludwig van Pufferfish was sent there by accident and came back to tell us this. You can get to Tuf'atue if you...
- Force a marshmallow to start dancing and singing to the tune of a heavy metal song that only you have heard of
- Become Superman
- Be the best farter of the 1776 Fart Olympics
- Bury yourself in 30 feet of the tears of hippopotamuses that cried because of them turning into zombies
- Stand on a slanted stand in Standistan in the sand next to Stan
- Be the person who created the joke where someone asked a banana to split... Oh wait, that was me-NOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Hell Number Six -- Pidd-leroft-rousers
The only way to get into this hell is to nominate User:PiddlerOfTrousers for user of the month, although no one is stupid or evil enough to do it. This is because if one were to nominate this user for this award, PiddlerOfTrousers would creep up the ladder and slowly become dictator of Illogicopedia, and after that, the whole entire world! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! MMMMMMWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hell Number Seven -- Planet Earth
The only way to get into this hell is to exist, and no one has done such a crime, as this is the worst crime possible.
“OK, is this long enough for you??”