Sofi B

Overview

Sofi B is a fictional character in The Destruction of Earth: Derek's Big Adventure. Sofi is the girlfriend to the main character, The Derek, and has been since she was introduced in late 2017. Sofi's primary character traits are cute, smart, special, and lovable. The B in Sofi B stands for Baddie, because she is one. Sofi is working hard to become a dentist, like her father before her, and demonstrates this desire by working as a dental surgeon every day despite no formal training in the field. Sofi is the owner of multiple countries, including Spain and Greece, and is considering adding more to her collection. She and The Derek have spent much of their relationship traveling to unique locales to scope out the situation and prepare for future conquest, an activity they both deeply enjoy doing together.

This is a photograph of the Sofi in her natural habitat, a blank white void. Note how she is such a cutie.

History & Characteristics

Sofi B began on the second day of the month of July in the year of Our Lord one thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine as a villager. Her reign of terror began in the Newest of Yorks, from where she orchestrated the most violent terrorist attacks at the meager age of 2. From that age Sofi B spent much of her life in the company of a fox named Shiba Inu, a loyal and sassy companion with pointy ears. It is from this companion that Sofi B learned to speak an unknown number of languages. Sofi B has two younger sisters, identical clones of each other, who are joint partners in inventing the popular rat poison known as M&M, named after their first initials.

Upon graduating from every high school in the region, Sofi B was given the Key to New York City, a city of more than 25 people, as a sign of their surrender after enduring a 16 year long siege. After capturing this hub of culture and finance, Sofi B set her sights on the nation's capital, Washington, D.C., but made a stop in Greece first to put down a local rebellion and meet the main character, The Derek, who aided in her conquest. As an early sign of love Sofi blessed The Derek by infecting him with a bio-weapon C. Diff. Upon returning to D.C. she set up her own base of operations and began spreading her network around the world, reaching as far as Brussels, the capital of communist Europe.

Sofi B is sixteen thousandths of a football field tall and weighs ten ounces. The is very strong and has the cutest cheekbones and smile. Her hair was short but now it is long and is pretty either way. She is not a fan of the cold and is very fashionable, often wearing fancy brands and rose gold jewelry from one of her favorite brands, such as Tous. As an avid reader, Sofi B has read every word ever written and knows what they all mean in context. She also wears glasses in order to amplify the concentration of her laser vision and to look smart.

Noteworthy Feats

Sofi B has accomplished much in her short time on this doomed planet. She has successfully petted a Snoop and befriended a rare puggle. She also went swimming in the Hudson Tidal Estuary and lived to tell the tail. Sofi B is racist against descendants of the only true Rome because they are loud and messy. Sofi B is a good baker but only an ok cook, having baked her way out of many tight scenarios but only cooking her way out of a few. Her diet consists primarily of leafy greens and intense spices like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who she consumed whole while they were on tour. On occasion she will also eat a heartier vegetable such as the Chilean Sea Bass.

Sofi B is really good at talking on the phone and using cameras. These are advanced forms of communication and art that only most recent varieties of human have been capable of, and only a fraction of those to the skill level she has obtained through force. Sofi B is a veteran of the war on the roaches, an extended campaign which occurred in a small theater in the lower level of the Berks, a box community. She emerged victorious after employing chemical warfare, something which will no doubt aid her later in life. Sofi B is known for being quite speedy both on leg and with wheel. She was too speedy in fact on leg and had to be handicapped to prevent hegemony in yet another discipline, and with wheels she has proven a worthy foe to even the most fearless of chipmunks.

Here is Sofi B next to the Empire State Building, to understand the sheer scale and magnitude of what we are dealing with here.