Swearing substitutions
Well, I was walking down the road going to the pub one day and somebody punched me in the face. I looked up and my suspicions were correct. He was a forking niger! He said:
“YOU ABSOLUTE TWOT!”
I ended up chasing him down the the street but no luck. He was too much for my beer belly.
Coming into the pub[edit | edit source]
I entered the pub. I asked for some cider. Sitting down, I was confronted by a fat man. He said to me:
“GET OUT OF MY FORKING CHAIR YOU WONKER BARSTOOL!”
Oh sheet, I thought. If I got out, then I might be beat up anyway. I slowly drifted off to the loo so I could have a piece and a sheet.
Walking back[edit | edit source]
Walking back I was just coming home until I saw my wife waiting outside. She asked where I'd been. I said up the pub. But unfortunately, she wasn't very fond of that.
“YOU STUPID CARNT! WHAT SORT OF BIRCH ARE YOU? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT: IT'S OVER. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THE COWSHEET YOU SPIT OUT SOMETIMES.”