Stupid is a highly toxic chemical element.
“Why is the world so obsessed with knowledge? We should all stop thinking for one day and eat grass.”
Discovery of Stupid
Stupidity was discovered by the Europeans, though the Europeans like to claim it was the Chinese or the Arabs. It was isolated and kept in its purest form by esteemed 18th-century British chemist William Rofel Copter, later King Stupid. Believing stupid to be a miracle cure, he started a chain of restaurants known as Stupid King, where all food served was sprinkled with stupid. This produced disastrous effect amongst various people who decided to eat there. Unwittingly Copter had given 5% of the population of England stupidity. Not knowing what to do with these people, they were duly shipped off to the colonies, where they reproduced (stupidity causes permanent genetic mutations) and a significant community of them still survives today.
Stupid ore (known as dumbite) is mined in a variety of places, the most abundant being America, Zimbabwe, and 4chan. Illogiland has a smaller reserve of stupid, which seems to be growing. Stupid is rumoured to be the only resource we will never run out of. The raw dumbite is converted into stupid through a process known as the Müt-Copter method, which involves large numbers of really awful jokes, causing any chemicals the stupid was stupid enough to bind to to leave in disgust.
Major Importers of Stupid
Japan consumes 80% of the world's stupid, having very little of its own. It converts most of this stupidity into xenophobia, and sneaks it into its water supply.
Chemical Properties of Stupid
Nobody knows where stupid stands in the periodic table, or if it is even an element, because it keeps losing its electrons and sending protons after them, changing its composition. Stupid is prone to forgetting the laws of thermodynamics, and occasionally may spontaneously decrease its entropy. For this reason many other compounds hate it and will avoid it at all costs, often with limited success. It is believed to be one of the many "unknown" elements, but all dem snooty scientists up in Japan knows it exists. They just don't want others to take their stupid.
If inhaled, ingested or injected, stupid permanently modifies DNA and brain tissue, causing stupidity. Like baldness, sneezing and chocolate, stupidity is contagious. Unfortunately by using the Internet you have most likely already contracted it. Yes, the reason stupidity is so catching is that it can be transmitted in the form of electricity.
Signs of Stupidity
- Deliberate typographical errors
- Using a remote control to change the channel on the microwave
- Attempting to punch the man in the mirror
- Using the wrong end of the pool cue to poke someone's eye out
- Watching reality shows
- Trying to heat up an ice cube
- Trusting a guy whose name is a flavor of ice cream
Environmental Impact of Stupid
Due to lax environmental regulation, waste stupid from factories is often simply released into the atmosphere. It is estimated that the air you are currently breathing is up to 0.01% stupid. Industries especially responsible for stupid emissions are reality TV and Hollywood. It is thought that the planet is now increasing in stupidity by the day, and by 2020 birds will have forgotten how to fly.