The Ghost of the Grotto

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The Ghost of the Grotto is a bitch-ass motherfucker. It is best known for its appearance in the hit 2003 direct-to-TV movie Revenge of the Director, in which the film's director, who shall not be named lest they find out what I did, comes out of the screen and gives the audience a stern talking-to.

For those who can't handle the real truth, the spinners of fake truth at Wikipedia have a thoroughly boring article on The Ghost of the Grotto.

Early Life and Education[edit | edit source]

Though its birth date is currently unknown because SOMEBODY tampered with our data (I think it was Dave), the Ghost was first sighted in circa 1100 AD, at the age of six.

The Ghost went to school at the University of Treetown, where it received a Bachelor's in Salamander studies.

Career in Salamander Studies[edit | edit source]

The Ghost's career was rife with deceit, romance, and--you know what? Fuck you. I'm going on strike. You can't make me write more.

Siege of Leningrad[edit | edit source]

I'm serious, I'm leaving. Suck my cock, assholes.

hello[edit | edit source]


my name is dave

i am filling in for kowtow while they are on strike

that allegation is false

i will

siege of leningrad[edit | edit source]

the ghost of the grotto did many things in the siege of leningrad

these things include

shoot gun

fight fash

serve motherland

it killed many nazis using delicious and nutritious raycon earbuds, available now at your local bazaar

oh look kowtow is back

Yeah, the boss rehired me and promised to pay me in dollars rather than teeth. You can go now, Dave.

you make me sad

Siege of Leningrad (for real this time)[edit | edit source]

The Ghost of the Grotto received several commemorations for its performance during the Siege of Leningrad. I mean, with 64 KB of RAM, how could it not? That's enough to lift the rocks from the earth, and even then, you could still find more.

It played a crucial part in warding off the Germs, right up until the very end. You see, therrererererererererererrerereerererss'ss

kowtow had a stroke

dave time

legacy[edit | edit source]

the ghost left behind a great legacy

it has inspired many to become either ghosts or grottoes themselves

in addition, it-

Goddammit, Dave. You didn't even drive me to l'Hôpital.

sorry kowtow i dont know how to operate a train

Train shmain. You could've walked.

well at least youre still ali-

Get out of my house.


Legacy (again)[edit | edit source]


Okay. He's gone.

The Ghost is said to have inspired many to follow in its footsteps, at least, among those who can find them. This has had many troubling consequences, including the proliferation of salamanders, reenactments of the Siege of Leningrad, and ingestion of earbuds.

This has lead many scholars to believe that there is nothing better than a warm glass of oyster juice on a Monday morning, an assertion with which few find themselves disagreeing. However, this did not last. Over time, these scholars evolved to more closely resemble crabs in a process known as carcinization. Worryingly, this caused their stranglehold on the egg industry to loosen, allowing others to take advantage and launch their own egg stores. As a result, the Ghost stole my heart, locked it in a room, and threw away the key. It has not been found to this day.