The Great Drone War of 1996

The Great Drone War of 1996 was a small war that took place on an island off the coast of an island off the coast of Madagascar, which is an island off the coast of Africa.

The Opposing Forces

The two main clans were the Juju Bees clan, and the Tom Selig clan. These two clans coexisted on this island, which we do not know the name of, for centuries. Peace held until a small dispute. A small dispute that they did not know would turn into a larger one.

It all started around November of 1995 where the two clans held their monthy trade, where they exchanged one anothers goods and services. A member of the Tom Selig clan traded a coupon for a bootleg copy of the movie "The Pacifier".

Later that day the member of the Juju Bees clan who had received the coupon realized it had expired in September of that year. The two clans debated whether the member of the Tom Selig clan intentionally gave him the expired coupon.

One day a couple of weeks later, an argument arose about another issue. These arguements became more and more frequent and more silly. Until, one of the inhabitants through a hotdog bun at the opposing faction. There was immidiate outrage. The czars of the two factions tried to mend the wound on their relationship, but the people did not agree. They struck down their leaders, and began constructing the most diabolicle war machines ever created.

The Drones

These drones were constructed out of pure iron, steel, vitamin a, and calcium for strong bones. Each was equipped with rockets, turrets, and machine guns built throughout the body. They were garbed with symbols, and colors symbolizing the clans. The Juju Bees were yellow, and the Tom Seligs were rainbow.

The drones were controlled by a manned computer in their bases. The connections went far range but getting perfect reception was tough due to the dense forests on the island. The controls were similar to a Mario game, although we think, because that was mostly what wee recovered from their computers.

The Battle Plan

The goal of the war was to get 100000 points or to grab the Golden Snitch. It was a classic game of Team Deathmatch. If an opposing force controlled your base you had to give up all of your old copies of Sports Illustrated magazine and watch 30 hours of Bewitched. Both sides decided to flank one another from behind, but both met each other in the middle. Let the games begin.

The Battle of Rull Bun

The Tom Selig forces were greatly overwhelmed by the Juju Bees attack. Although the Seligs held the high side, the Jujus caught a draft and slipped by underneath. Howerever, the Jujus confidence led to their defeat. A wave of Selig reinforcements joined the battle and quickly killed, and teabagged the Jujus. But the war was far from over. Well not really, there were a couple more battles...

Battle on the Reef

The Navy forces of each met on the coastline of the ocean. After a quick game of thumb wars, the Jujus declared the game was unconstitutional because the Seligs used such "dirty" tactics as, mountain climber and gopher holes. Instead they did rock, paper, scissors, machine guns.

After nap time the real battle began. Bullets whizzed by and pigs learned to fly. Water rattled the coastline, tourists were very displeased as the two new enemies fought for their drones lives. The Jujus were able to construct an EMP device, capable of destroying all technology such as, internet, and really any type of wiring or connection.

The Seligs lost connection of their drones, and the battle. Plus, a large amount of street cred. After all, being in a gang requires some cred, yo.

Donkey Kong

Donkey Kong was a very old game that was really easy but people were estupidz back then so they didn'tz knowz howz to do it. The big ape, (who misleadingly enough, was not a donkey) threw barrels at Mr. Mario, who was some cheap plumber who had a hat with his initial on it. You had to save the queen who really had herpes and AIDS but Mario doesn't know that yet!

Thank you for letting me waste a small but meaningful portion of your day with this unrelated chapter.

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