The pineapple tree
Chapter uno: Unaware of such elements[edit | edit source]
I was sitting on a pineapple tree one day, and noticed something peculiar. "Fiddlesticks!!" I remarked. My 1887 willow tree was on fire. I took my walking cane and strolled over to the other side of the lake to investigate such a myestery. "Helloo? Anybody there?" I asked politely. "I have tea and biscuits, if you want to pursue in my company I would be more than delighted!" i bribed to the tree. The tree made no answer.
Chapter due:It all starts to unfold[edit | edit source]
Suddenly a small monkey jumped out of the flaming tree. "Good morning dear chap!" I said. "Niyce to meat yer!!!" he half - arsed replied.
"Would you like some tea?"
"No. Flea juice better."
"Sorry, I happen not to have any of this - flea juice. Would you like some tea?"
"Ear, come with me, and i will show you great things. Just folla me froogh dis burning tree."
"'Tis a willow , in fact. Would you like some tea?"
"K, follow me through this willa den. And shaddup abaat 't tea. Yer gettin annoyin naa"
"Okay- umnn... Tally ho then!"
Chapter tre:Black and the hole.[edit | edit source]
As soon as went into the tree on fire, the monkey told me to follow him into the black hole. Not often does a monkey ask you to go into a black hole. I reluctantly agreed.
- "Excuse me, monkey, what be your name?"
- "Me? I am monnkey. Rabies the monkey."
- "Nice to meet you...rabies. Would you like some tea?"
THUD
We av arrived innit!, said rabies. Personally I don't feel comfortable travelling dimensions with a monkey called rabies, but so be it.
Chapter quatro: New land,New life[edit | edit source]
We landed head first under a sign saying....
Don't come Welkom two Illogia!!!
Rabies then led me into a large building which was obviously holding a meeting. By what I heard it was like this:
Seppy:So, thats why we need enviromently friendly toilet paper on illogicopedia.
Sir Asema: I PROTEST!
Testosteriech: I PROTEST TOO!!
Ryan: If we are to have environmentally friendly toilet paper, shouldn't we have nuclear powered toilets?
Fonchezzz: NO THAY HARM THE DUCKS IN THE POND!!!!!
Seppy (to me): hey n00b! You over there, what is your name?
Me Ummnnnnn...... I don't have one........
THE GIVE HIM ONE THEN!! TO THE ILLOGICOMACHINE!!!!
Sir Asema: I PROTEST!!!
Testosteriech: I PROTEST TOO!!!
Ryan: Oh bloody hell, just take him to the machine!!
Hindleyite: Protesting is futile!
Sir Asema: I PROTEST!!!
- *Fight breaks out*
THE:I'll take him then...
Benson: BENSON BENSON BENSON!
Testosteriech: I PROTEST!!!
- *Another fight breaks out. Me, THE and Ryan crawl out*
Chapter Cinque:The machine thingy[edit | edit source]
So.. the magical machine unfolded. It was called - the mycrowave. They seriously have literacy problems here. Rabies the monkey jumped in first, but we unfortunately later discovered we put power on 100 degrees, so we had burned monkey dust. Ryan then started to feel emotional about the monkey and made a poem for him. Sadly, the poem was crap and Ryan had to apologise on behalf of his brain. Uncomfortably, I crawled into the mycrowave and shut the door. I saw a cow play football, a donkey cut origami but then got bored and started to cook tea. Trust me - cooked tea tastes like piss. When I came out I felt odd. Instead of a human, I was a body made up of code. THE started to hit me with a hammer. I asked why and he told me 'STFU N00B!'. I guess that explained a lot. I was given a name by the ancient name choosing ceremony which seems to involve sticking a soft down your throat. I turned out to be called Vandel12357.
Chapter Sixe:Vandaliser![edit | edit source]
Suddenly I felt an urge to destroy. I started to change into a Wikimonster. Ryan and THE fled the room in horror. I ran outside and started knocking down walls of HTML. It was fun! Users were chasing after me, rebuilding the walls at an incredible speed. Ryan started to cry but restrained from reading out any further poems (to everybody's delight). Suddenly Seppy came from nowhere and whacked me in the face with a large, Ivory hammer. I fell to the ground, defeated, like a toad with HIV.I awoke in in a white van to prison, driven some Wigan fan. There I was given a Six month ban from Illogia. There was no hope for me.
Chapter Sven: Prison[edit | edit source]
In gaol I got bored. There was a wall with writing which seemed to be in some made-up language (someone said it's rushan, or something). In my boredom I attempted to create a strong army of puppets. That Failed, on an epic scale. Following conversation with another gaol mate I discovered we are being taken somewhere else, and told me a list of places to go. The ones I remember most were called Uncyc, ED and Wikipedia. He told me to 'Stay clear of 4chan' which I happily agreed to. I asked the guard who manhandled me and threw into a lorry. I asked where we where going. The driver bellowed - 'CONSERVAPEDIA!'
NOOOOOO!!!