Touchpad

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“You can touch my pad... **winks seductively**”

~ dude

“Do you mean perform oral promiscuity on you?”

~ Guy, hopefully leaning in

“All I meant was that you can use my mouse pad. Sheesh, you can't say anything these days without requests for fellatio.”

~ dude

Touchpads are very touchy. They like to touch your burgers!

Touché.