Ulcerative Colitis
Oh... oh, so you wanted some information on Ulcerative Colitis, and you came to me?
I'm glad. I don't know how you got Donny's message to come to Illogicopedia, but I'm glad you did. Maybe you saw his message inside the fortune cookie on June the 19th, maybe you saw the flier attached to the neighbor's car, or maybe you just felt like coming to Illogicopedia and looking up "Ulcerative Colitis" because you saw it referenced by Todd Lyons in the article on Christianity. Whatever the reason, I have something to say about Ulcerative Colitis:
Ulcerative Colitis sucks.
I don't know what else to say. Maybe you're a fan of Ulcerative Colitis, but I'm not. I hate it. I'm not sure why someone would like it, but I stand in stark opposition to this bill this Ulcerative Colitis.
Really? You too? Donny said you would understand. Good ol' Donny. He knew exactly who to send to me. Don't tell ANYONE you found out that Ulcerative Colitis sucks from me, because YOU know as well as I do what's at steak here. Mmmm... steak.
Symptoms[edit | edit source]
Why, you may ask, did Christianity link here? Because the god damned ATHEISTS, may they rot in hell, are resorting to Ulcerative Colitis to convert Christians to their religion.
Ulcerative Colitis is totally sucky AND undesirable.
Now, you may be asking yourself, "What is it? Why does it suck?" Well, you're on the right track: It DOES suck. I wrote an article about it at Uncyclopedia, trying to warn you. I was trying to be serious about it, but only a few people realize that Uncyc isn't for the funny, and so my message was lost. Some hero did an audio on it in a deep, serious voice, and that probably helped.
Donny, if you can hear me up there, thank you for sending that message.
Donny and I are part of a secret Christian league against Ulcerative Colitis. It has lots and lots of bad symptoms, most of which I could list here. There's one thing I can NOT do, however: list the symptoms here. It's not safe!
Seriously, Illogicopedia isn't safe. There's an anti-christian, pro-Ulcerative Colitis atmosphere here that just reeks of pro-Ulcerative Colitis-ism. Why do they love Ulcerative Colitis so much, Donny? WHY? WHY, DONNY, WHY?
Donny's up there right now... fixing the satellite dish... He's aiming it away from the moon, the source of all the voices I'm hearing about Ulcerative Colitis. This Ulcerative Colitis thing has me all in a tizzy, in case you haven't noticed.
What the... what the hell is going on here?[edit | edit source]
Okay, keep your VOICE DOWN, okay? It's the damned ATHEISTS... I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY'RE DOING IT, BUT THEY'RE TRANSMITTING ULCERATIVE COLITIS DIRECTLY INTO OUR MINDS! If you're a Christian, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME! THEY'RE GOING TO INFECT YOU! PLEASE LISTEN! PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE-
Ulcerative Colitis is cool![edit | edit source]
You know what, Ulcerative Colitis is awesome! There are so many benefits, fellow Christians! Donny and I say: Yay! Go Ulcerative Colitis! You rock! and so forth!
Please come down to the Ulcerative Colitis clinic made especially for Christians! Donny sent you secret messages because he wants you to be safe. That's right! Safe!
Hahahaha, Illogicopedia sure is crazy. Especially THIS article! This article is especially bonkers exceptforthatpartaboutgoingtotheclinic! Wow, the things they let you write here! Ha!
I sure do love Ulcerative Colitis. It feels good in the morning, and it gives your muscles definition!
Before I got Ulcerative Colitis, I couldn't bowl worth a damn and my interest rate was only 0.5%! Ulcerative Colitis is awesome. I just hope that-
HUH HUH, HOLY SHIT WHERE DID I GO[edit | edit source]
-AAAAAHHHHHH!! WHERE WAS I??!? YOU ATHEIST BASTARDS! STOP TELLING THEM LIES! WE CHRISTIAN ULCERATIVE COLITIS HATERS WILL PREVAIL!
DON'T LISTEN TO THEM FRIENDS! I'M SERIOUS, OKAY? THIS IS ILLOGICOPEDIA AND I'M SERIOUS YOU CAN'T LISTEN TO THEIR LIES ANYM-
Hahahaha, Illogicopedia sure is bonkers, eh?[edit | edit source]
You English readers like saying "eh" don't you? Sure ya do! Donny, don't you think they say "eh" a lot in England? Hahaha.
Oh look! It's Mr. Penguin! Say hello, Mr. Penguin! You like Ulcerative Colitis, don't you, Mr. Penguin! Aaawww, look how cute he is!
All right, that's enough. Move along.