Duff Beer
“Can't get enough of that wonderful Duff!”
- ~ the Duff Beer slogan
Duff Beer is the most popular brand of beer in the New England Commonwealth. Manafactured by Duff Breweries, it has been the fourth most popular alcoholic beverage sales-wise since its inception in 1871. It is known for being very cheaply priced,
poor-quality, and advertised everywhere. The beer's official spokesperson is Duffman.
Duff was endorsed during the Kennedy/Nixon debates by Kennedy, an idea that was then stolen by Nixon when he also tried to declare his support for 'that particular beer'.
Duff Gardens[edit | edit source]
Duff Gardens was the name of a high-budget theme park located in Springfield, Vermont. This is due to the fact this was the town in which duff beer was most popular, in the country where duff beer is most popular. An example of one of the rides is "It's a duff world", in which
animatronic children sing "Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you, I'll have a Duff, You have one, too," over and over again. It should be noted that the liquid in the ride is not water, and may freak one out from its hallucinogenic properties.
Other Duff Gardens attractions include the Beeramid, the Beerquarium ("Home of the world's happiest fish"), the Beer Hall of Presidents, the Washing Machine ride, the Whiplash rollercoaster and mildly-popular singing group 'Hooray for Everything' who sing a politically correct version of Lou Reed's "Walk on the Wild Side". The mascots of the park are known as 'The Seven Duffs', a group of anthromorphic beer-bottles. The Seven Duffs are named Sleazy, Queasy, Surly, Edgy, Tipsy, Dizzy, and Remorseful.
Advertising[edit | edit source]
Similar to Nuka-Cola, Duff has become notorious for its overtly-aggressive advertising techniques. Adverts can often easily be seen on Blimps, Space-Shuttles, Cars, Street-Corners and on Billboards. Studies (ran by the Duff Breweries company) claim that Duff can be beneficial to the heart. Researchers found that "antioxidant compounds" in the beer, similar to those found in certain fruits and vegetables, are responsible for health benefits because they slow down the deposit of harmful cholesterol on the artery walls. Duff then ran an advertising campaign in the 1920s which stemmed from the biased market research - when people told the company that they felt good after their pint, the slogan was born – "Duff is Good for You". This type of advertising for alcoholic drinks that implies improved physical performance or enhanced personal qualities is now prohibited on Earth.
See Also[edit | edit source]
- Duffman - A well-known mascot of duff.
- Duff Truck - An iconic image in the early 21st-century.
- Duff Stadium - A football stadium located in Massachusets.
- Buzz-Cola - An alcohol-free drink also manufactured by Duff Breweries.