User:Fishalishalish/Let's Fight You: The Movie
"Hey!"
Screamed the man. He stood on top of a building nearly a thousand buildings tall watching a small entourage of criminals some twenty feet away as they tried to make their escape into a helicopter hovering roof-level near the edge. He had a gun but he ran out of bullets earlier so he replaced them with tic-tacs. He stuck the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. "Mmm... minty fresh!" he thought.
"Stop!" He yelled.
"No!" Yelled one of the criminals back at him.
"Stop, or... You'll shoot!"
"Yes I will," said the criminal, who now had a sleek-looking submachine gun propped up against his naked leathery armpit, which was naked and smelled like sweaty cheezits and dog.
"Now," he said, "You're just going to stay right where you are and not move a muscle. Kapeesh? WE, on the other hand, will now make our escape. If you move, call for back up, or do anything else to try and stop us, you die. Is that clear?" asked the nice man politely.
"No problemo!" replied the agent.
"Good."
The criminals began to back away, slowly and steadily, guns pointed at ready in all directions.
They took one step at a time, all in unison, taking care not to step on the guy behind them's foot and surprise them. You never knew what direction their gun was pointed in.
Two steps, three steps, four steps.
They were near the edge.
Five steps.
Misjudging the distance that the helicopter actually was from their position, the three men in the rear of the group tumbled over the side of the building. The others, in an attempt to save them, formed a human chain and flung themselves over the side as well. The guy in the helicopter tried to help too but he just ended up chopping everybody up with his rotor blades.
The agent smirked.
"That's the last time I... last time I... helicopters," he said.
He popped another tac in his talker. Then he phoned his boss.
"Hello, HQ? This is agent number A."
"Voice verification ACCEPTED. Please state your identity again."
"This is agent number B."
"Voice verification DENIED. *beep, boop* You are now connecting to an automated voice identifying robot. I am very sorry. Happy birthday! Now... dance!"
beeeeep...
"Hello? Hello? Boss?"
"Hey! Lucky my boy! How you doin'? Say, did you complete the mission I sent you on? That was me who told you to do that, right?"
"Yep. It's all over, sir. All the criminals are dead and puppies they were stealing are nice and safe. I think..." Lucky peeked over the edge of the building and looked at the scene below, not expecting his lunch to come up at this particular moment. Which it did. He hit a bird and said "YEAH!". He told his boss about it.
"Alllriiight. Now put on your sunglasses and look cool. I'll see you back at HQ."
click. The phone hung up.
Then letters flew at the screen in big letters and said:
LET'S FIGHT YOU: The film.
The audience at the theater cheered.
The next scene opened.
"Welcome Lucky. Here, take a look at these pictures:"
"His name is Spreckle Zip. His friend is the cabbage packer. He goes by Kot-Kot."
"In english, please."
"Here is your target . His friend likes to pack cabbages. His name is Kot-Kot."
"Well if it isn't Kot-Kot the cabbage packer!"
"If it isn't. If it isn't, then you'd be out of a job. You should thank him one of these days."
"Done and done!"
"You'll meet up with your partner at 0 five o'clock in the Denny's down the street. She'll provide you with extra information. Kapeesh? Now go out there and kick some ass."
Lucky turned and started to leave.
"Oh hey, and lucky."
Lucky turned.
"Made you look."
"Oh. HEY."
"Wait, also: stay lucky."
Boss winked. Then Lucky winked. Then they did that shooty thing where you make your fingers a gun and click your tongue. Then he left. Boss continued to play with his finger guns.
"HEY YOU! Let's fight."
"Let's fight... who?"
"Let's fight... you!"
The audience at the theater cheered.
"Ok," said Kot-Kot, punching himself in the face repeatedly.
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