User:Gruntled/flying turnip rape

Down the road a little way, just past the Hyena Groomers shop, is a little alleyway. When the summer 4:00PM light hits, this little parallelogram about 3 feet by 3 and a half remains black as soot, as the patches or wall all around it erupt into fetid autumnal rage, colors many of us can't see, and only a few can imagine. One early August, Tuesday or so, daydreaming and staring at that little, perfectly angular parallelogram, I thought I saw something... reach out... just a little, maybe a couple of inches. It looked like fingers, with some gauzy stuff strung between. I imagined a fish would have webbing there. Half headed, I thought I saw a turnip, but on closer inspection, an eggy rapeseed lube jacking up stovepipes.

I climbed in and caught my head on the exit. Fuzz spewed from bewitched banks and a dry nozzle gambled my facial expressions. "HELLO I AM A FRIENDLY TURNIP" said a voice. "Oh yes and who might you be?" I asked faggily. "FLYING FERRET FUCK" he said. I assumed this biped was a marginal rape. He greeted me dearly and gave me a package of meaty goodness. "Eat! Eat it you cowardly piss!" I ate and ate and ate and ate and threw up into the good fellows mouth. Good gad, it was an awful experience, made worse by the fact my eyes had disappeared. Anyway I assumed it was rape and reported it to the authorities.